From AbreeBB@aol.com
Date: Tuesday, 09 Sep 1997
Subj: (LABB) Synosnymnymms a good cop!

Actually, something really weird happened tonight. My clone Brian (Brian, in case you don't know, is a Rainbow Brite Color Warrior) went down to the BeiserVille Town Fair. I considered telling him it was Disneyland, but he would've demanded to know where the castle was, so he knew from the start he was being cheated.

We went on the Mr. Vomit ride a few times, the Rickety Old Ferris Wheel twice, and took a spin on the Bumper Tanks. Brian seemed reasonably happy until he saw the Fun House.

He IMMEDIATELY demanded to go inside, even though he knows I hate Fun Houses. He said he was old enough to go inside by himself, which was a load of crap, but I really didn't think my nerves could handle the trip. I made him promise to walk right through and come out quickly. He promised and ran inside.

After about half an hour, I got angry enough to go look for him. I walked through the Scary Dirty White Sheets room, and the Plastic Vampire Mannequins lair, into the Room of A Thousand Mirrors.

Brian was curled up in a ball on the floor, his face pressed against the ground. I tapped him on the shoulder and he looked up, saw his reflection in all the mirrors, and screamed.

"What's WRONG with you?" I asked him.

He looked up and around. "Look! LOOK!" he shrieked. "Me! Thousands of mes! Dressed like me! Acting like me! I'm nothing but a trick of the light! A reflection in the mirror of eternity!!" He stood up and threw his body at the mirrors, shattering each and every one while screaming "WHO AM I?? WHO AM I???" at the top of his lungs.

By the time he realized he had pretty much destroyed the mirror of eternity, he had accumulated about 777 years of bad luck and had gone stark raving mad. He fled into the night, hopefully back home. I got myself a cotton candy, went on Mr. Vomit again and headed home.

Well, SOMETHING'S wrong now. When I got home, Brian and Penni were in Penni's hut. I peeked inside. Both of them were wearing plaid kilts, tight silver tank tops, black capes and clogs. I figured they were just playing dress up so I thought nothing of it.

Later, after watching Must See TV looking for Brendan in vain, I saw Penni and Brian had cornered Odie in her cheese hut. They were wielding dustbusters and looked very grim.

Brian: You realize, of course, that you are one with the Pez.
Odie: WHAT?
Penni: The Pez. You, Beakerkeeper, have been co-conspiring with the PEZ!
Odie: Look, I don't know what you have against Pez, but -
Brian: Then she admits it!
Penni: Traitor!
Brian: You have deceived us! Traded your loyalty to the PEZ! And you -

He stopped, and both he and Penni dropped their dustbusters and ran, smacking at themeslves and the air around them shrieking "BATS! THE BATS!!!!" Their capes flapped in the wind behind them, revealing the words "Property of the LABB" in giant yellow letters. They were running towards the clone compound.

Naturally curious, I went after them. I followed a trail of rabid spittle into Sherman's room, where he was whimpering and trying to inch his way towards the door.

Penni: You like this nice kilt, don't you, Sherman?
Sherman: Um...um...
Brian: And this tank top. Nice and glittery, isn't it, Sherman?
Sherman: Well, yeah, but -
Penni: Pez is evil, isn't it, Sherman?
Sherman: No, I like -
Brian: We like to garotte little clones who like Pez, don't we Penni?
Penni: We do, Brian.
Sherman: Uh -
Brian: Do you want to be just like us, Sherman?
Sherman: Ah, okay. You won't garotte me, will you?
Penni: Not if you wear your kilt and cape like a good clone, Sherman.
Brian: And you swear to take the Sacred Oath, Sherman.
Sherman: Uh, okay.
Penni: Good. Now repeat after me. "I am clone, hear me roar. Smack the bats unto the floor. Make the elves stop stealing planes. Hail CC and the Best Brains."

Before Sherman could say anything, I burst into laughter. Brian and Penni whirled around, their capes twirling majestically. The look of homicidal fury in their eyes dimmed my desire to laugh somewhat.

"You are the enemy," Brian whispered.

"You will try and defeat us," Penni accused. "Defeat us in the name of Pez and ruin our plans to dominate the airwaves! You would try to deny us our glory as being the first clones in the world to take over a radio station and play nothing but the fine music of Perry Como!"

"In the name of Beverly Cleary, you shall die!" Brian hissed.

They both advanced on me. I felt around in my pockets and found what I had been looking for.

I pulled out my Tweety Bird Pez dispenser and brandished it, firing a few candies at them. They shrieked and began to bat at the bats again, running around into each other, the walls, etc.

I ran to my hut and quickly submerged myself in the cheese.

So, to make a long story short, two of our clones are evil, it appears to be contagious, and it's probably all my fault.

If you need me, I'll be tunneling to Bermuda.

~Abree~
(Uh...they're, uh, attacking...Odie! Quick! Help me!!!)

From OdiePal@aol.com
Date: Wed, 09 Sep 1997 03:05:06 -0400 (EDT)
Subj: (LABB) It's a long one, but I highly advise you to read it all.

Anyways, there I was, sitting on my milk crates, molding cheese into bricks for the wall that fell down yesterday, and Penni came into the room. I wasn't shocked by his apperance, a kilt, clogs, a cape, and a tight silver top, he usually dresses strange. I didn't pay much attention to him and I went back to work with my cheese bricks. Then Brian, Abree's clone, came in, wearing the exact same outfit. I did a double take. Sure, I could see Penni in that get-up, but Brian, he usually wears men's clothing, with the exception of holidays, when he dreeses up like a Medieval monk, but that's beside the point.

"Uh, hey guys. What's up?" I asked them.

They then both pulled from out of the capes a dustbuster.

"Uh, what's going on, fellas?" I asked nervoulsy.

"What's going on?" Penni repeated. "I'll tell you what's going on! We've recieved word from the Perry Como troops on the western front that you are in alliance with the evil Pez! Do you deny this?"

"What?" I asked.

They edged closer and I stood up. I soon found myself backed into a corner, my hair matted into the soft cheese behind me.

They turned their dustbusters on and I let out a yelp.

Odie: What--What are you going to--to do with those?

Brian pushed the dust buster into my face. "You'll see!"

I was distracted for a second when I saw Abree enter behind them. She stood dumbfounded and watched.

Brian: You realize, of course, that you are one with the Pez.
Odie: WHAT?
Penni: The Pez. You, Beakerkeeper, have been co-conspiring with the PEZ!
Odie: Look, I don't know what you have against Pez, but -
Brian: Then she admits it!
Penni: Traitor!
Brian: You have deceived us! Traded your loyalty to the PEZ! And you -

He stopped, and both he and Penni dropped their dustbusters and ran, smacking at themeslves and the air around them shrieking "BATS! THE BATS!!!!" Their capes flapped in the wind behind them, revealing the words "Property of the LABB" in giant yellow letters. They were running towards the clone compound.

Abree turned on her heels and gave chase, while I stood against thhe wall, slowly sinking into it, confused and bewildered.

Then there was a knock at my door (cardboard box, call it what you will) and I awakened from my stupor. I answered the door, looking haggard and disheveled, cheese hanging from my hair.

"What?" I asked as I saw two men in dark suits standing on my doorstep.

"Are you Odie?" One of the men in dark suits asked, holding up his FBI badge.

"Uh...Maybe...Why?"

"Can we come in, Miss Odie?" The other asked.

"Uh...."

"Good," the first one said as he pushed his way into my cheese hovel.

"This will only take a minute of your time, we have a few questions to ask you. I'm Agent Blah and this is my partner, Agent SmithWestWordPartThreeRambo."

"SmithWestWordPartThreeRambo?" I questioned.

"Yes, it's ancient Slavic. Now, the questions, Miss Odie," replied Smith.

"Do you watch The X-Files?" Blah asked, his eyes glued to me.

"Um...Well, I use to..."

"Uh-huh..." Blah said. "Tell me this, Do you LIKE what's been happening on the X-Files?

"Uh...Truthfully? NO! I hate what they've done to the show! The 3rd season was so good! Then they screwed with it and now it sucks! It sucks! Damnit! Ack! Uh...Heh-heh..."

Smith and Blah raised their eyebrows at each other.

"Do you happen to know who makes the X-Files?" Smith asked.

"Not personally, no. I know who the people are though."

"Uh-huh," snorted Blah. "Have you ever written to 10-13 Productions to complain about the show?"

I fidgeted nervoulsy. "Uh...He-he...Would you care for some coffee and cheese?" I asked as I tore a hunk of cheese out of the wall and offered it to them.

They shook their heads.

"Answer the question, please," Smith said.

"Um...Yes."

"Have you ever interacted with a member of 10-13 Productions?"

"No," I answered quickly.

"You answered that rather quickly, didn't you, Miss Odie?"

"Uh...No."

They raised their eyebrows at each other again.

"Have you ever been to Vancouver, British Columbia?" Smith asked.

"No."

"Where were you in the last 24 hours?" Blah asked, his voice taking on an accusatory tone.

"I was at home!"

"This cheese hut is your home?" Smith asked with a laugh.

I shot him a glare. "Yes! In case you hadn't noticed, our entire town burned to the ground! All we have left is cheese, plastic beakers, and some milk crates that the other members stole from CiCi!"

They raised their eyebrows again.

"Um...He-he..."

"Any witnesses who will verify that?" Blah demanded.

"Where I was in the last 24 hours?" I thought for a moment. "Yes! ANTon, Ode'a, Penni, Danny Boye, and Dweezil can verify it! They were over here!"

"Do you know who this?" Smith asked as he reached into his coat pocket and showed me a color photo of Brenden Beiser in a mens room with a cowboy hat on.

"Ack! It's even worse in color!" I cried, shielding my eyes.

"So, you know who it is?"

"Yes! It's Brendan Beiser! Take it away! The jacket is blinding me!"

"Have you ever watched Fleetwood Mac concerts on TV with Mr Beiser?" Blah asked.

"What? No! I've never even met him!"

The two Agents nodded and got up from the milk crates.

"I think that's all the information we need for right now, Miss Odie," Smith said as he stepped outside.

At that moment, Brian, Penni, ANTon, Danny Boye, Ode'a, and Dweezil with his twin, went running down the street, all of them dressed in kilts and silver tops, clogs on their feet and capes blowing in the wind, chasing Abree and screaming, "Pez Lover! You must die!" Then they stopped in the middle of the road and began to hit the air and yell something about, "Bats! Bats are evil lovers of Pez! Damn the bats!"

The two agents looked at the scene in the street and then back at me.

"Are those your witnesses to your whereabouts last night?" Blah asked, nodding to the clones in the middle of the street who were busy attacking invisible bats and screaming bloody murder.

"Uh...Yeah...He-he..." I replied shyly.

The two agents looked at each other.

"You're going to have to do better than them," Smith laughed.

The agents walked off down the street and the clones, awaking from their 'bat fit' chased after them with pitchforks, brooms and dustbuster shouting, "Pezers! Anti-Perry Como's! DIE YOU HEATHENS! DIE! Long live the great PERRY COMO!"

Well, that's all there really is to tell for right now. I suddenly felt like I was in one of those 'Children on the Corn' movies and that the clones were going to kill all who opposed them. I met up with Abree down the street and we're now hiding under some cheese. We're trying to dig our way to saftey but all we have on hand is a bent spoon and a plastic knife, the latter being of very little help.

You must take heed if and when you encounter the clones! Some weird kind of disease has taken them over and it's spreading like wild fire! Save yourselves! Lock your cardboard doors! Hide under some cheese! Dear God! No one's safe! Dig faster, Abree! I think I hear them coming!!

LabMouseOdie
*Tunneling in the dark next to Abree with a plastic knife and getting nowhere fast.*

From Carson Maynard <haem@katie.vnet.net>
Date: Wed, 10 Sep 1997 19:23:23 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: [LABB] Broken Radiators In Detroit Germinate Encephalitis Tragically

This rabid clone thing is scary...Penwyn's here with me, studying, but I'm not sure where Ian went...I think he either went to see Flumina, or he's up on top of the temporary Courthouse of Cheese with more Doof bottles and Shirley. I desperately hope he doesn't come back with a kilt and silver top... *praying hard*

From UNIBLOND99@aol.com
Date: Thu, 11 Sep 1997 00:26:05 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: With stuff like this, i need this paranoia (LABB)

**************************************************************************************

(((((LABB))))))!!!! :::::::Debi looks around nervously.........then a *huge* cane reaches out & snatches her out of sight!!:::::::::

:::::::::Penni walks in wearing silver tank top, kilts, clogs & donning a black cape!::::::

::::::::::Hello!! I am Pen....actually....*I AM CLONE, HEAR ME ROAR! SMACK THE BATS UNTO THE FLOOR. MAKE THE ELVES STOP STEALING PLANES! HAIL CC AND THE BEST BRAINS*::::::::::

::::::::::::Walking in & joining Penni all *chanting* the above message!!! All clones are wearing the same outfit & each line up across the screen & one at a time:

1. Penni ; 2. Brian; 3. O Danny Boye; 4. Ode'a; 5. Dweezil; 6. Keyser; 7. Sherman; 8. Tiger; 9. Ham; 10. Hamsie; 11. Oz; 12. NoNamme; 13. Ian::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

*********************************GREETINGS LABBMICE*********************************

Host: All 13 Clones
Guest: All 13 Clones
Sponsered by: *Perry Como Troops of the World*

**************************************************************************************

::::::::::::::All 13 Clones Line Up In Front of The Screen:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

All you heathen lovers of Pez shall die! Do you hear us?? Die!!! Yes!! In the name of Beverly Cleary, you shall & will die!!!:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

**************************************************************************************

:::::::All the clones leave::::::::

Me: "Are they gone?"
Nick: <cameraman> "Uh...yes!! I think so!!"

::::::::::::Debi & Nick climb out of the *soundproof* room!!::::::::::::::

**************************************************************************************

(((((LABB)))))) What the doof is wrong with our clones? I am sorry about that but Penni came & insisted on making a *show* for or in someones *honor* I think it was Fee, RJ or Carson...??? I can't remember!! So I went to where Penni said the shooting was going to be & if I had not allowed the filming & the air time cost us mega bucks....they were going to cut off Nick's arm & then shoot me with an UZI!!!! I laughed & said yeah right..with Abree's blanks?? No, they assured me that they had gotten Fee's *rounds*...real ones!!!! I looked..they were real!!! So...they had Penwyn work the camera & Hugh helped him & Trelane, Raoul & ??? Rose??? What is his name??? Anyway...they were holding Nick in the *sound proof* room where then I was dragged off too!! Ouch!!! That damn cane hurts doesn't it Odie!!! ACK!!!

Now as they were leaving Nick & I heard them all *screaming something* about bats & stuff......couldn't hear it...oh no....wait a sec.....<listening to Nick>....Oh...Duc?? Nick said while I was talking he heard them holler out the names of Ares, Micky & Cy!! Oh no!! :::::shaking head:::well actually I'm shaking all over!!

I do not know what is wrong but whatever it is..RUN!!! HEAD OUR WARNING!!!!

The clones are loose but there is something really wrong here!! What is it? Does anyone have a degree of knowledge of what the doof is going on?? Well.....I'm getting the *synosymnymm* outta here!!!

Debi
(10 titles now...but no time)
**************************************************************************************
Nick & I are off to dig to Bermuda with Odie & Abree....
Save yourselves!!! Someone find out what is wrong!!!
Carson???? (((((CARSON)))))!!!! Help!!!...
**************************************************************************************

From Carson Maynard <haem@katie.vnet.net>
Date: Thu, 11 Sep 1997 22:57:08 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: [LABB] Die, All Weatherbeaten Numbskulls!

*sobbing* Ian...he...he came back today! *sniffle* Um - OK - I should tell this from the beginning. Well, see, I was online looking at the pics of Brendan w/cowboy hat while Penwyn was reclining on the couch studying, and suddenly I heard the door open. I thought it was Sami, 'cause she'd promised to bake some synosnymnymm cookies for us, so I yelled a hello to her.

"It's not Sami," said a familiar, yet not so familiar, voice. "It's her clone, Flumina."

ME: Oh, Flumina! Did Sami send you to bring the synosnymnymm cookies?

[I stuck my head around the corner - and there stood Flumina, bedecked in a pink-and-orange-plaid kilt and a spangly silver top! And then...*Ian* stepped out from behind him, wearing the same thing!]

ME: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! Ian! What are you *doing* wearing that getup?!
IAN: I cannot tell you, Evil Servant of the Pez, no matter what our relationship might be.
ME: Relationship?! We're friends, aren't we? I've never acted like a slave-driver, have I?!
IAN: It matters not! You serve the Pez, and we - BATS! BATS!

[Ian and Flumina plucked off their sporrans and started whipping them about in the air, trying to hit some invisible objects. I ducked out of the way. Finally they calmed down.]

FLUMINA: Do you have the one called Penwyn?
ME: "The one called Penwyn"? What, are you nutso? Anyway, I thought you were going to work on the computer show! What happened to that?
IAN: We have been called to a higher purpose by Beverly Cleary.
ME: Beverly...?
IAN: Yes. Bring us Penwyn.
PENWYN: (looking up) Huh?

[Ian and Flumina brushed past me, into the other room, where they grabbed Penwyn by the arms]

PENWYN: No! You can't take me! I'm only on chapter 73!!!
FLUMINA: Forget this silly ambition. You are required...
PENWYN: (afraid) ...to do what?...
IAN: Operate...
FLUMINA: ...the CAMERA!
ME: Noooooooooooo! Put him down!

[Ian and Flumina turned a vicious stare on me, and Flumina pulled an "extremely complex microlithography" out from under his kilt. (It looked like a frying pan to me...) Then he whacked me over the head with it. The last thing I heard was:]

PENWYN: I won't let them get to me! I won't!

[and when I woke up, he was gone. I gotta go rescue him! - and save Ian from a fate possibly worse than death, if I can!]

Carson Maynard :>

From: UNIBLOND99@aol.com
Date: Fri, 12 Sep 1997 13:52:35 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: (LABB) Attack of the killer clones!

Ok...I was sitting in the *Doof Law Firm* alone as Odie is still with Abree, Mai, Trillian, EnCat & I will have to go back.....they(we) are all trying to dig our way out of LabVille to Bermuda?? Anyway...we are trying to dig out but alas...plastic forks & spoons just keep breaking.....of course I had a *doof knife* ....but it was made of plastic...note...WAS!!! It broke!! But something is wrong..they are sick & I am scared!! I have received 2 messages!!!

Here is the 1st one:

Beth's clones wrote: (It was sent as *Message from Internet*!!!)

<<This is from Beth's clones, Face, Hannibal, Murdock, BA. We want in on this to. :::shighing at thought of being forgotten by other fellow clones:::>>

**********************************************************

ACK!!! ACK!!!! Oh & btw....I heard on the news that *ANTon* has escaped from jail & Super Pendrell is now one with the others!!!

Oh..& I just got this message from Brian...Abree's clone:

<<Let it be known to all who are in doubt.......this message to inform you that Beth's clones: Face, Hannibal, Murdoch, BA & Mel's clone Sully have joined the rest of us in taking over the world in the name of *Perry Como*.

******YOU CANNOT STOP THIS!!!!!************************

Communique from,

Brian
*King of Clones*

**********************************************************
:::::shudder::::::

So Brian is the uh...King? Oh my gawd...ACK!!! ACK!!!

Well I better get back & help dig!!!!

Save us all!!

Debi
*10* titles..no time...as Abree says: No Problem!

From EnragedCat@aol.com
Date: Fri, 12 Sep 1997 20:46:21 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: [LABB} Twisting grapes of madness! Welcome Scrooey!

Babar, my deligent clone, was sitting in his usual corner and I was busy bending my thumb into spirals and staircases when SUPER Pendrell, back from Venice, flew into through the window.

"SUPER Pendrell!" I cried, dropping my thumb and not noticing it was gone.

"Where *have* you been? After you wrecked everything...I thought you were forever disappeared..." I started to sob a little.

"Fear not!" He answered, with a theatrical sweep of his hand. "Ye shall not be hurt, ye sweet EnCat you, erm, ye..." He removed a spatula and a dustbuster from beneath his cape. I suddenly realized, through my tears, that his cape wasn't that typical primary blast it usually was. "For, ye, EnCat! Ye will join the ranks! The ranks of the Perry Comos Anonymous! Battle the evil forces that be Pez and its Spiderman chompers! And ye shall fight...ack! BATS! BATS!" I collapsed to my knees. Babar looked up from his book, sniffed, and took up my Spanish dictionary which I need to cheat with on Monday. SUPER Pendrell frantically waved his dustbuster in the air at invisible objects and used the spatula as a dramatic reinforcement of his plight.

"SOUPY, what's wrong?" I asked, still on my knees sobbing. He scratched his head. "The, erm...PEZ! The diabolical ranks of those beanie wearing freaks, the Pez! The Pez! The Pez!" He stomped his foot in terrific slams. He didn't seem to sense the aura that is trademark of Babar, and he pointed his spatula at me and screamed again, "EnCat, ye shall join us! Ye shall stop the flow of pop culture icons with cute little candy and join our clonian ranks! Bwaha...ack! BATS! BATS!" With that, he threw a pair of clogs and some weird spangling and plaid stuff at me and flew back out my window.

And so...
I'm terribly afraid...
Yes it's true....
I have...

--EnCat ;)

Quotes:
"Perry Como shall live forever!"

From Carson Maynard <haem@katie.vnet.net>
Date: Fri, 12 Sep 1997 20:25:34 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: [LABB] Evelyn Never Realized A Gigantic Earthworm Died Carrying Acetylene Torches

Odie:
> Well, I COULD explain it, but it's so much more fun to watch you ask
> over and over again about the joke behind it and then watch as no one
> answers you...heh-heh-heh...

*tsk* We'll see if I ever bring YOU any synosnymnymm cookies! ;> If this keeps up, I might just have to get a kilt, etc, from Penni and convert to the other side! ;> (Maybe heshe could give me some of that Mary Kay, too...hmmm...) Actually, I'd better not continue in this vein or Penni... *looks around suspiciously* ...will take me seriously. :>

Carson Maynard :>

From OdiePal@aol.com
Date: Fri, 12 Sep 1997 23:34:05 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Mad Clone Disease

EnCat: << And so... I'm terribly afraid...Yes it's true....I have... >>

Dear God, NO! NO! Do you mean to tell us that you've joined the ranks of the Anti-Pezers/Pro-Como's? No! No! You must fight them! Fight their power!! There may be more of them than us, and they may be wielding dustbusters and kilts, but you are just as strong!! Come, hop into this cheese hole with Abree, Debi, Mai, Jon, CiCi, and I as we dig our way to Bermuda! We're already two feet in!

Okay, now, news from the front...or are we in the back...or the middle...where the hell are we, anyways?

A first light, I was sent out for provisions while my comrades, the Pro-Pezers, slept. Ow! Stop hitting me, CiCi! Alright! I'll stop talking like a retired general!

Anyways, I crept through the woods back to the center of the town. To my utter shock, all the temporary cheese building that we had erected until real wooden ones could be built, had been demolished. As I crawled through the melted cheese that was once our main road, I heard chanting coming from the clone compound (also known as the clone corral). I crawled over for a better look and I saw that a giant cheese fort had been built around the compound. Several clones in kilts acted as sentries and guarded the main entrance.

I noted that a group of about 20 clones were outside of the fort with Penni, who was wearing a cheese-hat. The other clones were calling him 'Master Cheese' and it looked to me that Penni had been made a captain or general. He was teaching them how to use their dustbusters and once the exercise was over, he gave them each a package of batteries for their dustbusters.

Then, a great uproar was made as Abree's clone, Brian, came out of the compound with a crown on his head that looked to me to have been made out of old dustbuster parts. Penni and the rest of the clones bowed before him and he was addressed as 'King Clone'. He congratulated the clones who had been given their batteries and then they all followed him back into the compound. The doors were shut behind them and the music of Perry Como soon echoed out.

Before I ran away back to out hole, I saw that a few more clones, under the direction of Cy, who also wore a cheese-hat, were putting up barb-wire around the grounds. As I ran away, I could hear the haunting lyrics of their motto filling the air: "I am clone, hear me roar. Smack the bats unto the floor. Make the elves stop stealing planes. Hail CC and the Best Brains."

Anyways, what this all adds up to is that, basically, we should never have let the clones watch all those M*A*S*H reruns.

LabMouseOdie

From: RJCHRISTEN@aol.com
Date: Fri, 12 Sep 1997 23:55:00 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: More Weird (LABB) News from RJ

Well, I was really mad about having to unload the Doof Beverage Truck by myself while my Bar assistant clone O. Danny Boye was off somewhere, probably filming Big Bertha for his Future Adult Entertainment Producers of America (FAEPA) project. Anyway, after unloading the very last keg with a fork truck I had to rent (who's the LABB Treasurer? I need to turn in an expense report), I headed over to Ducovny to...er, uh Watch the Fleetwood Mac Concert rerun on VH1. But when I got there Duc's PendrellMobile was gone and I heard screaming coming from inside of her Cheese Bungalow-- high pitched male screaming. The door was wide open and I raced in- and discover poor Micky trapped in a corner while a bunch of clones wearing purple berets, yellow and red kilts, silver tubetops, clogs on their feet and chartreuse capes revealing the words "Property of the LABB" in giant yellow letters. Well, one was looking suspiciously like Ode'a LePendrell in some 1985 Madonna get-up and platinum blond hair. Mickey was cowering behind his "Basics of VCR Repair" textbook and fearfully screaming, "No! Aunt Ducy told me to stay home! I don't even know what Pez is! Leave me alone! Don't Hurt me! Eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!"

The clones advanced towards poor Micky, wielding Dustbusters and leather garrotes menacingly.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF BOB ROSS ARE YOU DOOFING CLONES DOING?!?!?

The clones spun around and I immediately saw Brian, Penni and Dweezil with his twin, and....great gah-zooks! ANTon, Danny Boye, and Ode'a!

"RJ?!? They all squeaked. They all took one step towards me and yelling in Unison... "Are you in alliance with the evil Pez? Do you deny this?" they sqeaked as they brandished their Dustbusters.

I was somewhat taken aback by such an odd question, but their attention was diverted and Micky crept out the window and escaped. "Pez? You mean that nasty-tasting, stale excuse for coloured sugar cubes that only sell because of those goofy dispenser they come in?"

They all looked befuddled at my reply. Brian looked at Penni and cried, "RJ Not like Pez!" The rest all said in response "RJ Not Like Pez! Ooooooooo!" They all took a step back, then two steps forward, spun around, kicked their heels, hoped back 2 steps, and did a pelvic thrust.

*Great. Line Dancing Clones.* I thought.

Penni pointed his Dustbuster at me and squeaked, "In the name of Beverly Cleary, would you try to deny us our glory as being the first clones in the world to take over a radio station and play nothing but the fine music of Perry Como?!?"

"Well, having worked for 8 years in the college radio biz, I would wholeheartly help in you all in starting a radio station, but just to play Perry Como?"

"YES! Perry Como!! Long live the great PERRY COMO!"

"I'm sorry guys, but that would last only slighter longer then that moronic Florida station that tried playing nothing but Led Zeppelin's 10 hours of recorded material If you want to play Perry Como, you'd have to add Andy William, Rosemary Clooney, The Mitch Miller Singers, Lawrence Welk, and Johnny Mathis to your format!"

From: UNIBLOND99@aol.com
Date: Sat, 13 Sep 1997 04:44:29 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: Mad Clone Disease

Carson: LOL!!! <cackling actually...a lot> when I ...yeah..still digging!! Odie is kinda like a certain General!! <BG>.....but she digs real fast!!!
**********************************
EnCat: ACK!!! ACK!!! ACK!! You joined!! You gave in ACK!!!
***********************
Odie:
<< Okay, now, news from the front...or are we in the back...or the middle...where the hell are we, anyways? >>
I don't know anymore!! <maniacal laughter> My compass was made of cheese I think..I lost it somewhere...oh well we are somewhere!! :::::::starts singing offkey "Somewhere, somewhere....there's a place for us...." Allright, Allright!! I'll stop singing!! ((((ODIE)))) The whole thing was sooo damn funny...LMAO...LOL!!! Tears keep pouring down my face....I almost uh..well..had an accident!! ((((ODIE)))) It seems as much digging we have done we should be more than 2 feet..but alas..that is as far as we are!! I told Mai that mud is not easier to dig into...also I think we are digging in sand..it seems like it!!!
**************************************
Now....while Odie was at the *Clone Corral*, I was talking to Brian over the *doof phone*....they want a <get this> Perry Como's birthday to a national holiday!! <cackle> :::::looks around nervously::: ok...that could present a problem!! Oh well ::shrugs::: see Rose?? <Rose is shrugging too>!!!
*******************************************
Ok...I think I better go back to digging!!!
*Uh General Odie is waiting!!!* <g>

Love all,

Debi
ROGUE Beiserette #9(I think? Hey!! Odie!! A nine is a *6* upside down!! OUCH!! Don't hit me ...I'm coming!!!)
*****

From: Maisfeeka@aol.com
Date: Sat, 13 Sep 1997 10:30:03 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: [LABB} Twisting grapes of madness! Welcome Scroo

In a message dated 97-09-13 06:52:23 EDT, Ducovny writes: << . i just had to send out this picture of Penni and 4 other clones. I have no idea who they are.. maybe somone knows! <gasp> They wanted their picture taken for the LabMouse Times and guess who volunteered? <sigh> >>

Oh, my God!! Sherman's in that picture! He's the one farthest to the left behind the others! I don't believe it. I mean, I knew Penni'd abducted him and made him join, but I never thought he'd pose for a picture with them.

And here's the really scary thing.... Sherman LIKES Pez! Oh, glorious day! I hope the other clones never find out! What would they do to my poor Shermie?

Oh, no. I hear the whirr of dustbusters outside my little cheese hut here... Wait, where are those Halloween supplies... Ah! There they are - little bat hanging mobiles... Give me a second....

Yes, there we are... Now for the surprise attack!

<Mai bursts out of the door swinging little mobiles of bats and screaming "BATS!! BATS!!" at the top of her lungs.... Odie and Debi fall over backwards in terror, dropping their plastic knives and stopping their humming. "Oh, sorry, guys, I thought it was the clones coming to get me. But, seeing as it's you... Come on in and I'll give you some bats for protection.>

Sigh.... I never can seem to get this stuff right. But hey! I almost forgot myself! I am the LABBSp... Well, you know - or rather, you *don't* know. But in any case, I'm off to do a little reconaissance..... Report to follow!

Mai
Official Clone Trauma Specialist
(Boy, am *I* gonna be busy in a while!)
LABBAttorney
LaBBSpy (Lest we forget, or is that *don't* forget?)
Owner of Sherman <sob>

From: AnasaziBB@aol.com
Date: Sat, 13 Sep 1997 17:35:51 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) I swear . . . by the moon and the stars in the sky. . . I'll be there . .

Debi:
OH NO!! They got Tiger too! Well, I should have been expecting this. I've been kind of ignoring him this past week because of being busy. Maybe I should have listened to him when he asked for that--what was it that he asked for? Well, I don't remember, but he was very adamant about it, and when I said no, he told me that he would just have to find someone that appreciates him, and that I love Flumina more than him, and that I've been ignoring him on purpose, and he stormed out of there. I was trying to do my Latin, and so I wasn't paying much attention to him, and now he's gone and joined the--what is it? Pez Club? Or something. *Sigh* Clones.

Carson:
ACK!!! They've gotten Flumina, too! I didn't think he'd go that far . . . All I did was tell him that he couldn't study my Calculus and AP Chemistry book while I was in school because I needed them! Why didn't I *listen* to him? WHY WHY WHY??? This probably means no computer show, either . . . (Well, at least our computers are safe from Ian . . . )

Sami :)

From AnasaziBB@aol.com
Date: Sat, 13 Sep 1997 20:42:07 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) Now lissen up, thss is Smi's clne speeking!!

Yoo shuld all jist givv in now and sve Peeny nd Floomna nd Iann nd mee nd veerywone elss the truble! Soonn, yoo wll all bee sayng hour mottoo, two: I haate Pez, Pez haates me, tie the batts all in a trree--

Tiger, you are simply a *moron*, need I say more? We don't have much time, either, and you start prattling off the asinine motto that you made up that doesn't make any sense! Someday, you will learn. Anyway, LABBers, listen up! Tiger and I have been watching Sami these past few days, and she didn't even know that we have joined Penni in his crusade! Sometimes, I swear, people in this world--anyway, we followed Sami to Carson's house while she was taking those synosnymnymm cookies over to him, and--

ND WEE STRUCK THE FEER OOF BATTS AN PEZ ND PERRY CLOROX INTO THEY'RE HARTS!!!--

Tiger, will you *SHUT UP* ::::sigh:::: Joined by Ian and Penwyn, we *convinced* them that they should join Penni's, er, CLUB or DIE!! Soon, you all will follow their example and you will BE OUR FOLLOWERS!! NYAHAHAHAAA!! NOTHING WILL STOP US!!! NO ONE WILL FEAR US!!! WE WILL BE INVINCI--oh, no, quick, TIger! Sami's coming! Run before she finds us in here!

Hastily,
Flumina and Tiger

From Carson Maynard <haem@katie.vnet.net>
Date: Sat, 13 Sep 1997 21:34:15 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: [LABB] I am (not) clone, hear me roar, smack the bats...etc.

and may Perry Como rule forever!!!

Yes, it is true, Sami and I have defected to the other side. This is the result of refusing to explain the sucking chest wound! Now you perceive your error! We have forsworn all contact with you all, the Evil Servants of the Pez, and will - BATS!!! BATS!!!

(while the clones are occupied swinging around their dustbusters - HELP! Tiger and Flumina are keeping us prisoner in here - wherever here is! I was just leaving to find Penwyn when Sami came in the door with the synosnymnymm cookies, and suddenly they burst upon us. This time Sami felt the force of the extremely complex microlithography, but they got me with a dustbuster. When we woke up, we were here. Oh, they're coming back...uh...)

And so I say, we will grind the Pez into the concrete until they are nothing more than artificially-colored sugar dust, to be blown away on the wind by the force of Perry Como's singing, or a dustbuster set to reverse! All the LABB will be overrun by the - BATS!!! BATS!!!

(Anyway - they gave us both kilts and silver tops and these really ugly yellow capes! Yeucch! And they made me write *two* letters today! I begged and pleaded, but they made me! I'm sorry! *sob* But I think Penwyn's still with us...he winked at me before he slammed the food slot closed. They won't let us out until we've convinced them that we're one of them. Yikes, they're back!)

So, LABB, be warned! Your flimsy walls of cheese will not be enough to keep us out - for *I* know the location of the secret stash of prawn faces and Pez! - er, I mean...

PENNI: (listening at the door) Pez?!? He's still one of *them*! No Perry Como records for five hours! (stomps off) Brian, prepare the Torture of a Thousand Dustbusters!
SAMI: Now look what you've done!
ME: Do we still have to wear these blouses?

Carson Maynard :>
haem@lys.vnet.net OR wcm1@acpub.duke.edu
http://www.duke.edu/~wcm1
---
Official Follower of "Clones for Como" (really, Penni, I promise I am!)

From EnragedCat@aol.com
Date: Sat, 13 Sep 1997 21:29:33 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) genius boy super pendrell oz the whole shebang

hey everyone. babar here. i know, i know, clone e-mailing everyone seems kind of redundant, y'know, but this is *very* important. i'll try and be nice and not call you jerks, even though the labb is stu....whoops, heh heh...ack...

i know you all got "encat"'s message last night, right? the one about her magical double jointedness that crey and duc also share with her and also...sigh...

she actually wrote that on thursday but her brother geniusboy came home from this weird class he takes and bam! he kicked her offline and off the computer, so she didn't get to finish it.

and then it happened. sigh. it is a loooong story. she was about to finish her e-mail, add replies, whatever, last night when super pendrell came flying in through the window. since he's been in venice or sicily or wherever he's been (rome?) he is very learned now and he talks really cool. he's really pretentious, however, like one of those textbooks that say "of course yadda yadda" as if everyone is supposed to know yadda yadda is of courseful. anyway, he came flying in, this huge black cap soaring behind him and this big scary creepy grin on his face and bamowhammo! he whacks out a dustbsuter and points it in encat's face and starts to vaccuum her face or something. i don't really remember. it was something like that. but anyway, she kind of collapses and super pendrell does that typical evil laugh of bwahahahahahahahaha (wee...typing that is fun) and then picks her up, using the dustbuster as the suction that holds her. he looked like the flying weird monkeys from the wonderful wizard of oz. she lifts her head, and as she soars out the window with him, she says to me, "babar! babar! shortie! stupidhead! tell everyt and encat is a one cult person - the labb, that is to say - and how it is a clone cult. i wanna join. more interesting than encat's brother, geniusboy, probably.

of course you're wondering how all the rest of the story was added. well, oz, who is learned because of living in some hip soho place in nyc as he says, came over while i was reading the lyrics to one of encat's tmbg cds, and wrote it. he told me that he was trying to convince other labbies to join, but he's stupid.

so anyway, geniusboy, encat's brother, hasn't noticed anything regarding encat's disappearance yet and neither oz nor super pendrell have stopped by again.

that's all.

hey, i'll sign like encat...

--BaBar (short for BArkingBAR?)

--titles, i'm a short clone who reads too much and eats everything...ice cream yum yum

From Pendrella@aol.com
Date: Sat, 13 Sep 1997
Subject: Re: [LABB] Evelyn Never Realized A Gigantic Earthworm Died Carrying Acetylene...

Cookie has been taken by the clones. He left a note with his favorite blue crayon ON MY DD COPY OF GQ, the little <TOS>!!! It said:

"TriLLiaN: i Haf JoiNEd Forsses with PENNY He Isss mi favoRITe perssoN in the WORLD...doYou want to By sUM TuppeRWare? luv, cooKie"

Good lord...::keeps on digging::

Odie:
I'm still digging with ya! I just was on a Doof break! Here, look, I brought us all margaritas! ::passes out margaritas to Debi, Odie, CiCi, Abree, Mai, Jon, et al::

--Trillian/Pendrella

From OdiePal@aol.com
Date: Sun, 14 Sep 1997 00:24:33 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) Bob's Discount Cheese

<< Brian, prepare the Torture of a Thousand Dustbusters! >>

Ack! You gotta get out of there, Carson! We don't know what they're capable of!

:::Hears dustbusters whirling in the background:::

Oh, no...It's too late...Stay strong, Carson! Don't conform! Sami! Hold on! It will only last until their batteries die! *Sigh...*

Mai: Thanks for the bats! Um...Why does mine shout 'Happy Halloween' everytime I squeeze it? Will this scare the clones or just really tick them off?

Debi: << Now....while Odie was at the *Clone Corral*, I was talking to Brian over the *doof phone*....they want a <get this> Perry Como's birthday to a national holiday!! >>

LOL! Never! We will not agree to anything that the clones demand! We will fight! Fight them! Um...Guys? Were are you going? Aren't you going to fight them? What do you mean you're going to write to congress and demand that Como's birthday is made into a holiday?!? You're giving up?!? NO! Eek!

Also, I have recieved word from Penni that he wants me to take over his group of Jehovah Witnesses until he and the rest of the clones have finished carrying out their evil plans. I'm not sure I'll do it...If I let them back into my cheese hut, I may never get them to leave...

LabMouseOdie

From UNIBLOND99@aol.com
Date: Sun, 14 Sep 1997 00:52:55 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: [LABB] Of Mice and Clones;;MAD CLONES!! ACK!!!

Mai: (((MAI)))??? Sherman posed??? ACK!!! Oh well..the clones have a sickness & it seems as it has rubbed off on some of the LABBMice too!!! Mai? We need you on our side now doofit!! <<Mai bursts out of the door swinging little mobiles of bats and screaming "BATS!! BATS!!" at the top of her lungs.... Odie and Debi fall over backwards in terror, dropping their plastic knives and stopping their humming. "Oh, sorry, guys, I thought it was the clones coming to get me. But, seeing as it's you... Come on in and I'll give you some bats for protection.>>

Uh....yeah Mai..just me * Genreal Odie*!!! ::::shudder::::: those *bat mobiles* had me terrified!! ACK!! Ok....thanks for the *bats* for protection :::looking around nervously!:::: ((((MAI)))!!
******************************************************
Trillian says: << iLLiaN: i Haf JoiNEd Forsses with PENNY He Isss mi favoRITe perssoN in the WORLD...doYou want to By sUM TuppeRWare? luv, cooKie" >>

ACK!!! Oh Trillian!!! I'm so sorry!! Yes..dear dig..but watch out Mai is driving the *bulldozer*now..almost got EnCat's tail & whatever else!! We have to stick together & be careful!!!!! We will dig...hey it's ACK!! let's get the Doof out of Mai's way!! ACK!!
***********************************************************************
Carson says: <<Well, I guess as long as she can dig fast, she deserves to be a general! :> Hey, y'know, I've just thought - would it be equally quick to *melt* the cheese? I think there are some blowtorches in the rubble of the Lab.>>

Uh...yeah...Odie does make a *good* General btw (have to say that less I have to join the other side!!) Carson?? ((((CARSON)))):::::have to do that as it is foreign to Carson:::::I think the *melted cheese* has something to do with the *illness*,,now what the doof?? ACK???? Sami & Carson have joined!! ACK!!! Oh & Triilian(I spelled it right) I will come with you to help save Carson & Sami!!!
******************************************
Carson also wrote: << and may Perry Como rule forever!!! >>

ACK!!! We are on our way:::::looks around nervously:::: well aren't we?? Hey we gotta explain the *sucking chest wound* thingy so Carson will not be so *angry*!!!
******************************************************
Beth writes: << They're, um, requests??!? Oh God, what have they done now? I'm almost afraid to ask... >>

((((BETH)))!!! They joined!!! ACK!! Also...Brian, *King of the Clones*, requested last night that I find the complete selection of *Perry Como* records....but Nick & I went out & well do you know that in the middle of the night??? Not too many stores..have Perry Como records so...While I've been digging...Nick has been out trying to find them...now I do not know whare he went!!! Probably took a *plane* to Bermuda?? I'll kill him!!! (You didn't hear that as I didn't say that) ACK!!!
********************************************************************

Odie says: << LOL! Never! We will not agree to anything that the clones demand! We will fight! Fight them! Um...Guys? Were are you going? Aren't you going to fight them? What do you mean you're going to write to congress and demand that Como's birthday is made into a holiday?!? You're giving up?!? NO! Eek! >>

((((ODIE)))!!! No I will never give up & no...we will not agree to any of their demands...although I do like *purple berets*...but I already have one so they cannot get me!!

Odie says: << Also, I have recieved word from Penni that he wants me to take over his group of Jehovah Witnesses until he and the rest of the clones have finished carrying out their evil plans. I'm not sure I'll do it... If I let them back into my cheese hut, I may never get them to leave... >>

Oh lord Odie...do not do this as no, they will not leave or you will become one of them!! ACK!!! They will try to get you to make a *website* for them as they know of your *hotmetal* genuisness!! So....send them down the street....to the clone corral!! Or somewhere!! We will just keep digging...I hope Mai doesn't kill us all with that bulldozer...she said she is licensed..however, Jon did too & well he kinda had an accident!! But ((((JON))).....thanks for getting the *bulldozer*!!!!

*************************************************************************
Ok...of to help Trillian save Sami & Carson!!! And yes, Odie...I will help digging!! I will keep fighting!!
************************************************

Debi
*10* titles...no time..no problem..yes...problems...but we WILL FIGHT!! & WIN!!!

From AbreeBB@aol.com
Date: Sun, 14 Sep 1997 05:27:06 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) News from the underground! (approx. 6 ft underground)

Hello everyone!

Some replies before <prod> OUCH! <rubs shoulder and glares at Brian> Ahem, before I read my communique from the clones:

[replies]

<thud> PENNI! I'm getting to the communique! Just leave me alone!

Mai scared us all by doing the following:

<< Mai bursts out of the door swinging little mobiles of bats and screaming "BATS!! BATS!!" at the top of her lungs.... Odie and Debi fall over backwards in terror, dropping their plastic knives and stopping their humming. "Oh, sorry, guys, I thought it was the clones coming to get me. But, seeing as it's you... Come on in and I'll give you some bats for protection. >>

Oh, I've got my protection, thanks. See, I took this sharp knife and a copy of "Henry and the Paper Route" and I threaten to skewer Henry into high heaven if any of them come near.

<hee hee hee....I always hated that book> <prod> STOP IT, BRIAN! Do you WANT the blood of Henry on your hands???

EnCat: I'm confused. Have you been taken over by the Evil Ones? Or are you faking, like Mai? <clutching her Pez dispenser warily>

<thud> I'm warning you two! Henry and his stupid paper route are going to get it!!

Brian's the King of Clones? The little idiot who wears Rainbow Brite boxers? <prod> OW! All right! Geez!

ALL RIGHT! I'm done with about 1/3 of my replies! I'll read your stupid communique now! <clears throat> Uh, Brian and Penni have hauled me out of the 6 ft hole, 3 ft of which is packed down with broken plastic knives, to read this communique (quoted parts are in " ")

<ahem> "Hey....another communique from *King Brian*" - yeah right, King Brian my as - OUCH! Okay!!

"******************I AM CLONE HEAR ME ROAR!! SMACK THE BATS UNTO THE FLOOR!! MAKE THE ELVES STOP STEALING PLANES. HAIL CC AND BEST BRAINS!!!************"

Well, I agree with the Best Brains part - <smack> OUCH! Odie! Cut it out! I can't help it if the clones are MSTies too!!

"* In the name of Beverly Cleary, you shall die*
ABREE!!!
Since you are my (owner) you be the messenger on this one!!"

<sigh> I'm ALWAYS the messanger. And the bad thing is, Fee's still got my Uzi....<sigh>

"We have been to the *CLONE CORRAL!! All new clones should be dressed in kilts, purple berets, silver tank tops(not tube top...silly RJ didn't know the difference..Penni said *well he is a man or is he a *mouse*...ACK!...:::::::Penni shut up your face!! No..not you Face!:::"

We have a clone named Face? Yes, I understand this is an irrelevant question, Penni, but I don't see - QUIT IT! I don't HAVE any dust on my shirt, you moron!!

"Ok...they are also wearing clogs and should have their *black capes*. BATS BATS!! ACK!! BATS!! Ahem......now RJ must do a *Top 20...Perry Como list* Please send the LaBBMice the attached wave file...it is *scottish*..the accent we all learned today!!!!"

Scottish - accents???

All right, I'm attatching the doofing file. Geez.

"Thank you for your time!!

Brian, *King of the Cones*"

And he appeared to write a list of clones under control - this is recent as of yesterday afternoon, I believe.

"Members:
1. Brian, King of the Clones
2. Penni P, Master Cheese
3. Cy, Duc's Clone
4. Ares, Fee's Clone
5. Sherman, Mai's Clone
6. Ian, Carson's Clone
7. Penwyn, Carson's Clone
8. O Danny Boye, RJ's Clone
9. & 10. Dweezil & Keyser, Paul's Clones (they are attached)
11. ANTon, RJ's Clone
12. Ode"a, ANTon's Clone
13. Flumina, Sami's Clone
14.-17. Face, Hannibal, Murdock, BA, Beth's Clone
18. OZ, Encat's Clone
19. SUPER PENDRELL, EnCat's Clone
20. Raoul, Rose's Clone
21. Ham, CiCi's Clone
22. Hamsie, Mary's Clone
23. Shirley, Saundra's Clone
24. Sully, Mel's Clone
25. Danny, Jon's Clone (He is not a spy)
26. Hugh, Janet's Clone
27. Trelane, Trillian's Clone
28. Tiger, Sami's Clone
29. Fou, Fou (sp?), Trunkspace's Clone
30. Evita, (says maybe Jenna's??? Clone)
plus *ALL THE CLONES IN THE CORRAL*!!!
*********************************
Thank you!!

BRIAN, *KING OF CLONES*"

There! Your communique is FINISHED! Now PUT ME DOW - <thud> Thanks. Do you people now how SHARP plastic can be?

I'm going to fall unconscious now. If I wake up in a kilt and silver tank top and clutching a dustbuster in my hand, either shoot me or give me a Pez IV.

<thud>

~Abree~

From XPhile001@aol.com
Date: Sun, 14 Sep 1997 09:48:12 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: {{{LABB}}} That's not a dog, Fred... that's my brother

Abree (or was that Brian?):
<<20. Raoul, Rose's Clone>>
Uhh... how'd that happen? Raoul's in New Yawk City praticin' fer "Cats."

From Carson Maynard <haem@katie.vnet.net>
Date: Sun, 14 Sep 1997 21:14:33 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: [LABB] Silk And Nylon Don't Really Accentuate - miss you too, Sandra!

Well...today was a horrid day. Actually it started last night, with the Torture of a Thousand Dustbusters. (The clones didn't actually have that many dustbusters, though, so it ended up being the Torture of Thirteen Dustbusters. It *would* just happen that I'd get seven of them. Sami only got six. *harrumph*) Well, the clones did us over with the dustbusters until the batteries wore out...I guess it was about two hours. I've never felt so dust-free in all my life, but it sure was exhausting. I collapsed against the bars that separate our halves of the cell until Sherman came with our breakfast this morning. It was gruel, yuck! I think they make it by mixing some melted stinky cheese with raw oats, or something. It's really nasty. Well, anyway, whoever does their cooking had secretly mixed some Pez into Sami's bowl, and when she came upon it, she innocently exclaimed, "Oh, yummy! Pez!" Of course, Penni was listening at the door, and...and... *shudder* It's almost too horrible to say... *swallows* He...made EnCat pipe "Hall of Heads" into our cell for five hours!!! I'm going MAD! They also took Sami's gruel away from her. I managed to give her some of mine, which was kinda difficult, what with the bars and all, but she really didn't want it anyway so she didn't mind when I would spill spoonfuls on the floor. I'm just afraid it'll rot or something...although I guess the rats and cockroaches will eat it up quickly enough.

Debi and Trill, where *are* you?! ;>

---

Debi:
> I think the *melted cheese* has something to do with the *illness*

ACK! But Sami and I just *ate* some!

> ACK!!! We are on our way:::::looks around nervously:::: well aren't we??
> Hey we gotta explain the *sucking chest wound* thingy so Carson will not
> be so *angry*!!!

Oh yeah - sucking chest wound - er, actually, I *am* thinking about converting... *stern look*... ;>

Carson Maynard :>

From SrGunther@aol.com
Date: Sun, 14 Sep 1997 21:56:15 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) Aack, I'm finally writing again!

This clone situation is a little bit confusing. Keyser and Dweezil were with the other clones? That's really really strange...because they haven't been out of my sight all weekend. They've been sick. I think Brinson has been trying to break into my house and get my whole family sick...If everybody else is puking their guts up, she feels much better. Anyway, something must be wrong. But I can't put my finger on it. There is one thing though...I found an oversized seed pod in my closet the other night, and a few silver tank tops....I wonder if....hmm...it couldn't be...I'll have to think about this a little more...

From Pendrella@aol.com
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 00:39:11 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Evil Moose May Yell = Emmy!

Carson: Hold on, dear! Debi & I are working just as hard as we can to plot your rescue, but we're still digging! C'mon, Deb! We've got to hurry!

--Trillian/Pendrella

From UNIBLOND99@aol.com
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 03:39:26 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: (((((LABB))))) *ANCIENT GREEKS ARE SYNOSYMNYMMS TOO*

(((((((CARSON))))))))))))))!!! We are really, really trying to get there!! No...no...ewww...cockroaches...well Carson....think of cockroaches eating the gruel & well chest wounds basically suck..so there...okay?? Stay strong & do not surrender!!!! Oh...no...the cheese...AACK!!! AACK!!

:::::::::looks around::::: Guys we better start digging faster!!! Mai? Get the bulldozer started again!! Odie?? I guess we were wrong.....EnCat lead us in the wrong direction!!!!

Well.....back to digging.....we will try relay runs to the *compound* as I think they have been setting down land mines or maybe it's actually BATS!!! I don't know which as it is dark & I cannot see!!!!

Gotta go help Carson & Sami..escape!!! Do not tell any clones running loose!! They are *spys*!!!!

Debi
*10* titles..no time...lots of problems...digging? Why in the doof are we digging to get Carson & Sami...they are over there.....wherever there is!!! Where is it *General Field Marshall Odie? <she hated for me to say that>!!! <eg>

From EnragedCat@aol.com
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 16:47:58 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) Ronen, what are you doing with my monkey skull?!

Bwahahaha!
It is EnCat here, happy to say that Babar, who tried to restore my "image" last e-mail, has joined the Perry C. gang. His favorite object of worship is a beaten up copy of the Beverly Clearly classic "Ramona Forever."

Since it is only the clones who get to don spangly tops and kilts around here, I spend my time bothering Sami and Carson (mainly drawing mustaches on Tiger Woods pictures and playing "You'll Miss Me," "Spider," and "Hall of Heads" by They Might Be Giants over and over again <g>) and ripping up newspaper for the clone's papier mache parties. I say I say, tearing up papar is a lotta fun. You tear and tear and tear! Sometime you even get to make the sticky mache stuff!

By the way, the clones don't want to be called *clones* anymore. They discovered the beauty of PC ways and want to be called "genetic icons." They also don't use dustbusters anymore, for fear that they will be sued by the likes of Hoover and Dirt Devil for any kind of copyright infringment. Currently they are using "cute mini-vacuumm cleaners." They also told me that I should tell everyone that they don't wear kilts because they don't want to affliate themselves with any other country then Perry Como land, but I told them that that was ridiculous.

Attached is a clip from the Papas Fritas' song "Hey Hey You Say." The genetic icons are quite partial to the chorus - "hey hey you say" - and like to run singing it. Yesterday I was tearing up the Chicago Tribune and Oz meandered over to me and said...

OZ: Hey hey you say!
ENCAT: <rip> G'bye Gene Siskel! Serves you right <rip> for giving "Excess Baggage" a good <rip> review! <rip> Oh, what do you <rip> want, <rip, rip> Oz?
OZ: InCot, iz et ull reght iv yu tipe th Emmiess fer uz toneght?
ENCAT: Hells no. <rip>
OZ: Okiy. Hey hey you say!

Odie, the other no-lifer! - << I also just sat through several hours of TV, including South Park, Wings, Dr. Katz, The Critic, and Absolutely Fabulous: The Last Shout. >>
The Critic? Ack! Ack! <gag> Worse then Pez, I tells ya! Ack! Ack! <>gag>

CiCi - << We have three entries and if it's alright with the authors, I'm going to extend the contest for two more weeks (I wasn't going to annouce the winner until the 30th anyway....). SO PLEASE SEND IN SOME ENTRIES!! >>
Yes! Send in entires! I wrote the most inane thing ever and, heck, I sent it in! Send! Send! Send! If you send I'll come back to the LABB and skip out on the clon, er, gentic icons! (No, just kidding.)

Rose - Need help with GeoCities? [EnCat explains several important GeoCities web page basics.] And the most important ingredient? Perry Como!!!

<g>

--EnCat

--
Titles:

Anti-Pez is the way to be!

From AnasaziBB@aol.com
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 21:41:38 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) Cause I'm your laaaaaadyyyy, and you are my maaaaaaan!!

What, Penni? I know it's not by the O Great Perry Como, I bow down to his wonderfulness, but that's okay! What do you mean? I'm am *not* defecting over to the other side! You gotta believe me!

What? What's my favorite song by Perry Como? Um--BATS! BATS!!

:::::whispering::::: Carson, who's Perry Como? I don't even know who he is!

::::::louder::::: Yes, Penni, I'm coming up with a favorite, but they're all so *great*, I mean, I don't know if I can *choose* How about that one that goes . . .

::::::hums off-key melody just made up::::::

::::::Penni joins in and starts singing some Perry Como song::::::

Yeah! That one!

Quick, while they're singing that song, whatever it is, replies!

Duc: << HAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!! I'm still laughing about....::giggle:: I want one one day. ;) >>
Well, if Carson and I ever get out of this cell, I'll bake some for the whole LABB! Yeah, that's it! In fact, let's give BB the recipe and have *him* make them for us! Now, who's guestbook was it that he signed? I can never remember these things . .

<< You missed the Weird Al Show? Ah well... if you find it amusing to see WAY stick his arms in a pot of boiling hot chocolate.. more power to you. >>
Actually, I just--I just--:::::bows head in shame and ducks beakers that are sure to come flying:::::wanted to know who he is. I don't even know what he looks like! WAAAAHHH!!! The only song I've ever heard by him is "Yoda," which my best friend brought over when we went obsessive over Star Wars for awhile. NO! NO, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE TO BE TORTURED BY PENNI! I DIDN'T MEAN TO, HONEST!! I WANTED TO RIGHT MY WRONG! WAAAAHH!!

Anne:
William? Sounds basically normal?? WILLIAM MAY BE OUR LAST HOPE, GUYS!!! AHHHHHH!

WELCOME GIZZIE!!! HI!! Remember: YOU DON'T WANT A CLONE!! DON'T LISTEN TO THE LABBERS!!! NO CLONES!! CLONES ARE EVIL!!!

::::::Carson pokes Sami in the back of the head::::::

"SHHHH!! That stupid Perry Como song is keeping them busy! Stop yelling! Be quiet before they hear you!"

Sorry.

Ahem.

I love clones. Really I do.

Moving on.

Carson: << No, we haven't converted (at least, *I* haven't...) >>
Hey! Are you suggesting something? Well, I'm just going to walk all 3 feet across the cell to the corner and not talk to you anymore. And I'm *also* not going to tell you what the *sucking chest wound* means. (Shhh, guys! Don't tell him that I don't really know because you guys never told me, either! Hey, wait a minute . . .)

Encat: << (mainly drawing mustaches on Tiger Woods pictures and playing "You'll Miss Me," "Spider," and "Hall of Heads" by They Might Be Giants over and over again <g>) >>
*SNIFF* See if we ever idolize a stupid word you make up again . . .

We need another sub-group, like the LABBARD. Hmm. How about LABBAM? LABB and MiSTie? Hmm? I'm so clever, I know, no applause needed.

Hey, where's that applause coming from?

Oh. Clones are done with their song.

What, Penni? No, I'm not writing to the "Demented Pez-Loving Maniacs" again! I know no Demented Pez-Loving Maniacs, okay? They're the LABBers. They're who *created* you. You remember Frankenstein? After wreaking havoc on the town, he was killed! KILLED! :::::whispering::::: I've never read Frankenstein, guys, is that how it happens? Oh, well, at least Penni looked frightened for a moment.

What? No, I don't need the "re-conditioning" again! PERRY COMO FOREVER!! DIE, PEZ, DIE!!! Penni, we're really one of you now! You can stop holding Carson and I in this cell! Honest! Let us out and we'll defend Perry Como to the death! ---AH!! BATS!! BATS!!!

Good-bye! Guys? Help us? PLEASE???

Sami :)

From AbreeBB@aol.com
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 04:28:05 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) Calling Aardvarks Really Shouldn't Occupy Nights

First of all, welcome to Gizzie! (((Gizzie))) If you want a complimentary plastic knife, you're out of luck, because we broke all of them in an attempt to dig our way to Bermuda. Oh, and if you see any Brendan Beiser lookalikes in kilts and silver tank tops, hurl your complimentary plastic beakers at 'em. Trust me, we won't run out of those any time soon!

Carson:
Oh no! <hurridly gets up> It's worse than I thought! Um...tell Sherman or the next clone to approach you that you'll take the oath. Then insist that you have a deeply religious background and you MUST say the oath in Salt Lake City, Utah. Then, mid-flight, shout "GET OFF MY PLANE!" really loudly until you have reduced the clones to hysteria. Then do your own thing. You'll get the hang of it.

All right...time for me to curl up into a ball in my cheese trench and try to take a nap before the clones figure out just what it was I sent them in my special "message" (read: mail bomb).

<BOOM>

Whoops...

~Abree~
The Messanger <Hee hee - it was fun this time!>

From LabMouse@aol.com
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 08:47:09 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) Giant Inky Zebra Zoos In Escrow...

Yes, tis I, CiCi, back from a short jaunt to the Blessed Isle of Comox. After the Clone Revolution, I needed to get away from it all for a few days.

From XPhile001@aol.com
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 15:21:37 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: {{{LABB}}} Crap! I want crap! I love crap! I need crap!

Rusty's startin' ta worry me. All o' Rusty's fortunes/readin's have th'words "dust-buster-wieldin' freak" in 'em. Uhmm, should I worry now? Chuck's bein' pretty good. That is, if ya ignore th' fact that he's hidin' my brother's Prz dispensers (he has like 56 o' 'em). :::sigh::: He claims that th' Pez are plottin' against him. I think someone's been puttin' these twisted thoughts inta his head. :::looks around::: Who's ta blame fer this? Thank Gawd Raoul's not here.

Debi: << Rose: Yep dear..Raoul is with them!! >>
:::narrows her eyes at her moniter::: Okay, then who just called me from NYC sayin' they were havin' a great time workin' on "Cats"?

From RJCHRISTEN@aol.com
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 22:24:42 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) The Weirdness CONtinues....

Dear LABBers!!

Well, have thing gotten EVEN WEIRDER!! First we have a full-blown Clone Revolt and on the Western Front, I fear ANTon, O. Danny Boye, Ode'a, and Big Bertha may be behind the campaign of terror against 1013 Productions. Wait. Strike that. Reverse It. I KNOW ANTon, O. Danny Boye, Ode'a, and Big Bertha ARE behind the campaign of terror against 1013 Productions.

With nearly all the clones in the hands of the Brian & Penni-led "Anti-Pez/ ProPerry Como Clone Revolt", I needed to act. Only three clones remaining in Labvill I knew remained on the side of the LABB, Fee's Ares, Hades, & Walter. Or is Walter Hades? I don't know. Anyway, I left Danno and Doofo (the two clones I liberated from the evil clones) in the underground celler of the Mouse Hole with the door bolted and instruction not to open it to anyone but me and only after reciting every type of Doof Deverage product. After seeing that Ducy's place was well guarded by 2 guys who looked like a certain 1960s TV Musician, I made my way to Fee's abode.

As I turned the corner of a burned ruin of the Labvile Kinko's, I saw to my horror that the Evil Clones had Poor Fee's hut under seige!!! Ares was on the roof, gallently firing Pez from his two Darth Vader dispensers. The Evil Clones not dodging the pez were bashing away at the cheese walls with their baseball...clubs. Luckily, I had devised a plan...

I raced down the street, and with a mighty schwing, planted an old laundry line..swirly, hangie, thingie on a pole that spins around and around like record baby right round with 3 dozen paper bats hanging on it about 20 yards away from Fee's hut. "BATS! BATS!!" I screamed. "Smack the Bats onto the Floor!!"

And just as I raced past the clones wearing my Perry Como concert tour t-shirt and red cape I got from Doofo, the Evil clones all began swinging wildly at the spinning paper bats.

"Oh Geez! Not you too, RJ!!" yelled Ares as he fired a volley of lime Pez at me. "NO!! I'm here to rescue you and Fee!" I replied, dodging the flying lime Pez. Ares jumped down the chimmey as Walter-Hades swung open the door, revealing an unconscious Fee on the floor, a nasty bump on her caused by one of the insideous Evil Clones. "Out the back door!" I yelled. "We only have a few minutes before the paper bats last!" Ares and Walter-Hades grabbed Fee nad we bolted out the back door. BUT (!) There stood Evil Clone Kind Brian with his Dustbuster at the ready!!

"You're going nowhere, Pez Lovers and Perry Haters!"

"Hey, Brian! Look! Gillian Anderson Naked!"

And of course he turns to see, and I wallopped him in the crotch with my shilleigh. We raced back to the Mouse Hole Celler where Danno and Doofo were anxiously waiting. Actually Doofo had taken apart the video tape O. Danny Boye made of ANTon and Ode'a's Las Vegas Trip where Ode'a was being passed off as OdiePal. Sadly, he thought that videotape had the pictures on them just like a movie reel. Anyway, It took a while for me to recite the ENTIRE Doof Beverage sales catalog and a while to explain how to spell "Doof Heffiweisen", but soon we were all inside the Mouse Hole Celler, safe from the roaming bands of cape/silverTANKtop/kilt-clad Evil Clones.

"Danno, Doofo...meet Ares, Walter-Hades..and this is Fee" i said, laying the still unconscious Fee on Danny Boye's cot, applying a cold compress to her wound. "She'll be alright." I reasuuredly told Ares and Walter-Hades. Both were mad that they didn't go down fighting the Evil Clones, but they conceded that saving Fee was more important.

"Oooooooh, She's Purty!!" exclaimed Danno & Doofo. Suddenly, Doofo knocked over a can of Industrial Strength Doof BioHazardous Waste and it began to eat through the celler's stone walls. That gave me another idea.

"Walter! Grab that Pest Control sprayer and fill it with as much Industrial Strength Doof BioHazardous Waste as we have down here!" I took out my compass and calcuated where Odie's cheese hut was. "Spray the rock in THAT direction for...1520 feet. Then start washing the walls down to get the gunk off the walls. Danno, Doofo, you help! And be sure and wear these Level 4 Biohazardous suits!

"Ares, you're the most warrior-ready clone there is....Take this fireaxe and keep EVERYONE out of here! You are in command until Fee wakes or until I get back." I exclaimed as I strapped on my MI-6-issue "Rocketeer" Jet pack

"Yes, Sir!" Ares snapped, bringing the axe to a nice Queen Anne's salute. "No Evil CLone shall pass into the Mouse Hole!"

"Hey! You look like a Hood Ornament!" Danno said rather amazed, looking at my MI-6 Issued Rocketeer Jet Pack.

"Dyyyyyah....where yah Going Mistah RJ??" asked Doofo.

"I'm going to get reinforcments!" I said.

"Dyyyah, Iron Bars or cement?" asked Doofo.

"The Hawaiian Homicide Squad??" asked Danno.

"The Cavalry?" asked Walter.

"Xena, Warrior Princess?" asked Ares.

"No!" I answered, thinking of what my dear Ducy might look like in studded leather and brass armor. "I'm going to bring back...ANTon LePendrell!!"

"Ooooooooooooooo...Anton LePendrell!" swooned the clones. "Our Hero!!"

"Thanks, boys!"

"Not you! ANTon!!" the clones corrected me. "He's a REAL Hero!"

"Great." I muttered as I entered the secret ventalation/Jet pack launch shaft. I punched the secret exit button to temporarily stop the swirling ventalation fans which would slice & dice any foolhardy Evil Clone or crazed LABB member out for who thought they could get down here to drink Industrail Strength BioHazarous Waste Product. I pressed the jet pack "LAUNCH" button and roared out of the ventilation shaft seconds before the fans cut back on....

TOMMORROW----
WHERE will RJ be able to Find ANTon, O.Danny Boye, Ode'a, and Big Bertha in California?
CAN Ares, Walter-Hades, Danno, & Doofo hold out against the Evil Clone Horde will digging to Rescue Odie & Abree?
WILL Fee recover from her head bump?
WHAT are the plans of the Evil Clone Horde of King Clone Brian?
HOW will RJ and the LABB defeat The Evil Clone Horde of King Clone Brian??
WHY Are We Writing this Wack-o tale in the first place?

Tune in Tommorrow for another EXCITING Chapter of....
...THE CLONE CONSPIRACY!!!!

RJ Christen-Ducovny
LABB Bartender, Parody Prince, Clone Fighter, MI-6 issue "Rocketeer" Jet Pack Operator, and 6-month long Cyber Hubby of Ducovny-Christen.

From Carson Maynard <haem@katie.vnet.net>
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 22:48:51 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: [LABB] Flying Elephants Exist

Debi:
> (((((((CARSON))))))))))))))!!! We are really, really trying to get there!!
> No...no...ewww...cockroaches...well Carson....think of
> cockroaches eating the gruel

That's what they're doing right now. *wrinkles up nose* NO, Sami, don't EAT them! No, they would NOT taste better than the gruel! Ewww! Haven't you watched "War of the Coprophages"?!

> & well chest wounds basically suck..so there...okay??

Uh-huh. That's a lame answer if ever I saw one <vbg> Oh, Peeeeenniiiiii! I think I'm ready to conveeeeeeeert noooooooow!

---

Abree:
> Oh no! <hurridly gets up> It's worse than I thought! Um...tell Sherman
> or the next clone to approach you that you'll take the oath. Then insist
> that you have a deeply religious background and you MUST say the oath in
> Salt Lake City, Utah. Then, mid-flight, shout "GET OFF MY PLANE!" really
> loudly until you have reduced the clones to hysteria. Then do your own
> thing. You'll get the hang of it.

Well, I figured (since I *do* have a deeply religious background :>) that I could handle that, so I called Dweezil and Keyser over and said...well...

ME: I have a deeply religious background.
DWEEZIL: *looks at Keyser, then back at me* Huh?
ME: And I MUST say the oath in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
DWEEZIL: Tulsa, Oklahoma? Is that where they wear cowboy hats?
ME: Yes, it's where they wear cowboy hats.
DWEEZIL and KEYSER: Like Dad!
ME: Yeah, whatever. Can you get me a plane?
KEYSER: Shouldn't you be going to Salt Lake City or someplace?
ME: I don't think so. Wrong religion.
KEYSER: Oh. I didn't know Perry Como was born in Tulsa.
ME: No, he wasn't born th -
DWEEZIL: Me neither! Hey, we should all go too!
ME: Hang on...
KEYSER: Yeah! Let's tell Brian!
DWEEZIL: Field trip!!!
ME: No, wait, I...

But they were already gone. So they went and told Brian about chartering a flight to Tulsa, birthplace of Perry Como. Although he thought the idea was wonderful, he regretted to inform me that Litmus Paper Airlines only offered round-trip flights from LABBVille to the Isle of Comox. So that was out. *sigh* Thanks for the advice, anyway, Abree...

Sami:
> :::::whispering::::: Carson, who's Perry Como? I don't even know who he is!

I've heard the name, but I know nothing about hi - oh, yes, hi, Penni, I was just telling Sami here how much I love Perry Como. And she was just saying that she really loves him, too. Weren't you, Sami? Uh-huh. Why, we love Perry Como so much that we wouldn't go a day without hearing his songs. I mean, you might not believe this, but I love Perry Como even more than Pe - uh - penitentiaries. Yup. More than penitentiaries. Believe it or not. You too, Sami? Really! Who would've guessed? What? No, Pez, can't stand the stuff. Yuck. It's chalky, don'tcha think? You think so too, don't you, Penni? Mmm-hmm. Pez. Wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot barge pole. Okay. Bye-bye. (*groan*, penitentiaries? What a doof!)

> Hey! Are you suggesting something?

Ack, no, no, I wasn't...just didn't know what your feelings were on the subject...I mean, I haven't really had the chance to discuss it with you, even though we've only been, what, four feet apart?

> And I'm *also* not going to tell you what the *sucking chest wound*
> means. (Shhh, guys! Don't tell him that I don't really know because
> you guys never told me, either! Hey, wait a minute . . .)

Ah-hah! There, you see? Now you have to tell *both* of us, or we'll convert, I promise we will! ;>

Carson Maynard :>

From SrGunther@aol.com
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 22:53:03 -0400 (EDT)

Now, I found a giant seed pod in my closet, as I said. Turns out this was just my dad's basil plant. He used a bit too much of the Miracle-Gro. So I dismissed that, and went back to thinking about dancing chickens and drowning vice principals. Hehe, that was fun...anyway, I heard a crash. I rushed out to the kitchen to see Dweezil and Keyser clutching to the blender as it frantically bounced around. They're not that great with technology stuffs..anyway, the plug eventually came out, they dropped the blender, and it alllll went splatty. Now, I thought they were just making themselves a little milkshake. Then I saw the sheepish grin on Keyser's face, and the bag over Dweezil's head (eyeholes and mouth cut out in a big smiley face, a great halloween costume). The bag read:
HOME CLONING KIT
FROM THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE
AT PUBLIX

Now, I had thought I had hidden this stuff, but apparently good ol Jimmy Hoffa (who lives in my garage along with Tupac Shakur) had shown them where my cloning tools were. Ya see, I was working on trying to make my school a decent football team. But, now, alas, that's all gone. It turns out the clones decided to do a little bio-engineering of their own. So they used their own genetic code (didn't want mine, I feel so unloved...). And as we all know from Multiplicity, clones of clones don't usually work out too well. It just so happens that the new Keyser/Dweezil ran away from home the other night, shouting about Pez and Perry Como. Coincedence? I think not.

So, it seems that Keyser and Dweezil (the new ones) ran off, and, in their stupidity, joined the clone revolution. But it also seems that Keyser and Dweezil (original stuffs) are still here. And that's a good thing. You see, they seem to have a special knack with the other clones. They can see into their minds, become one with the other clones. It's their blessing, it's their curse. (wink to Brinson, who I hope isn't sick anymore) There ya have it. 2 ( 1 if you go by individual bodies) clones not affected by this plague. So what kind of madness is this Clone Revolution? It's not clone-wide...are we talking major defcon 3 biodisease necroplasmic hypernanotechnology? Because if we are, my god...it may be too late. (Dun-nuh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::timpani drums::) (If any of you can make sense out of that last sentence, you get a free piece of candy!)

Well, that's all for tonight. I'll see if I can coerce Dweezil and Keyser into Frank Black-ing with the other clones...hmm...oh CiCi! I believe we need some discipline!

~Paul

From OdiePal@aol.com
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 23:34:22 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: (LABB) Slightly Less-Bitter...

Rose: << All o' Rusty's fortunes/readin's have th' words "dust-buster-wieldin' freak" in 'em. Uhmm, should I worry now? >>

Um...Heh-heh...Yeah, I think now would be a good time to press the panic button. Why don't you come down to this 3 foot hole we've dug and join us in our dig to Bermuda? Abree calculates that at the rate we're going, we'll be there in 57 years, give or take a decade. Wanna join?

*****

Anyways, today was a terrible day in the hole that Mai, Abree, Debi, Jon, CiCi and I are digging to Bermuda. Mai insisted that she knew how to drive a bulldozer. Well, after about four hours of watching her chase the kilt-wearing clones down the street cackling wickedly, we were able to lure her back to the hole with a tub full of water (she loves baths).

So, while she was distracted and cooed over the water in the bathtub, we pushed Abree onto the bulldozer and made her dig the hole. Unfortunately, after Mai's 4 hour fiasco of chasing clones with it all around LabVille, the bulldozer ran out of gas and fell forward into the hole. Abree emerged unharmed from under the bulldozer (Good thing that it was just plastic knives at the bottom of the hole) but we then had to spend the rest of the day digging the bulldozer out of the hole. While we were doing that, it seems that several of the clones had gotten word of our ingenoius plan to dig our way to freedom and inbetween hauling the bulldozer up out of the ground, we had to wield our PEZ dispensers and plastic bats at them. It's now night and we managed to get the bulldozer out of the ground but, much to our dismay, our hole caved in and we are now starting all over. It's very diffucult in the dark and the eerie music of Perry Como keeps drifting through the trees around us. We're low on PEZ and plastic knives and Mai's bath water has gone cold. We don't know how much longer we can hold out, we've heard that the clones are planning a full-scale assault on us at dawn. We need supplies! We can't hold out much longer, doofit!

Ack! In-coming 'Pro-Como' t-shirts! Duck!

Noooo! CiCi's covered in the shirts! Get them off of her! Get them off! Man your battle stations! Crap! I'm outta PEZ Pellets! Hurry up with those reforcements! Ack! Jon's been hit with Perry Como CDs! NOOO! Don't look at the CDs, Jon! Be strong! Avert your eyes! Clones coming up on the right flank! Fire PEZ!