From UNIBLOND99@aol.com
Hello everyone!!! (((((LABB)))))!!! Sheessh!! ::::looks around:::::: Ok..wanted to make sure that Penni & Nurse Fenity did not see me leave my *hospital bed*!! Hey!! Rose!! The *Teso Taco-Loco Hospital* is not as bad as it was!! I think the one advantage is well...the *El Mundo Gira Avenger* cannot fly around me!! Nurse Fenity has a way with that!! <wink>
As the days have gone by, Carson, EnCat, QueenThud, Janet, Rose<who showed up with Rusty> are still sitting & waiting!! Brian is still on the floor moaning when Penni walks into the room. Penni goes over & pokes Brian with a
*stick*!!
Brian: "AYEEEE!!!!"
Debi
From Carson Maynard <haem@katie.vnet.net>
[Sami and EnCat rushed to minister to Rose's prone figure]
SAMI: Rose? Rose? Wake up!
[Queen Thud fetched some stinky cheese]
QUEEN THUD:
[Penni tugged on my arm with great force]
PENNI: Do not make me hurt you, dear man. I have the cute mini-vacuum cleaner, you know! And I can give you an extra-special facial!
[I lost my balance and went stumbling after Penni, who dragged me into a room and shut the door.]
SAMI: [holding her ears] Gee, I wish he'd stop screaming like that.
Carson Maynard :>
From RJCHRISTEN@aol.com
I was down at the Clone corral with Danno and Doofo, trying to reassemble the accursed ACME brand Industrial Clone Cooker which Penni and Brain taken apart to make "improvements" on during the Clone Revolt of '97, as it had become to be known as. Thankfully, the travelling duo of Ducy & Mel had alerted me to the coming of the Federal Investigative Bureau of Biological Entity Research (FIBBER), so we could get this contraption sent back to ACME Labs for a full refund; something we could not get with all the "improvements" that were made.
And being the moronic clones they were Penni nor Brain wrote down or drew any of their changes. Oh, and for you LABB folks who had never seen the ACME brand Clone Cooker (patent pending), it vaguely resembles the Star-Offzit and
Star-Onzit from Dr Seuss's story "the Sneeches", except of course, there's no doorway INTO the Clone Cooker, just the hopper for Doof-brand "Embryonic Building Elements" (EBE), which produces the Doof BioHazardous Waste solution
Odie and CiCi are so found of drinking. Anyway, we had just ripped out the Subliminal Perry Como music player and Brain Washer, when who but Penni would show up, skipping to his/her lou my darling. Danno, who had been busting off all the cute decorations Penni had decorated the Clone with, stopped and grimaced. Doofo, who had been assigned the task of determining what button had been original and what had been added, didn't even stop to notice.
RJ: "Well, if it isn't the former Dreaded leader of the PerryTroopers. What do you want Penni?"
I had pointed to what appeared to be a large knitting machine which had been attached to the original discharge of the machine. "Open it up!" said Penni, to which I did. HUGE reams of orange and pink plaid material was stuffed
inside, along with shiny silver spandex. "It's not your Automatic Clone Kilt Knitter and Tanktap Integration Tabulator, is it?" I asked. "Nope, replied Penni. "It my WONDERFUL
Automatic Clone Kilt Knitter and Tanktap Integration Tabulator!!!"
Danno, brandishing a sledgehammer, yelled up at me, "Hey, Boss! You want to try and bust it off?", to which I replied. "Sure, take a WACKKATIT...."
"Noooooooo!" Screamed Penni, clutching the control mechanism. "It's my greatest invention!!"
Suddenly, Doofo yelled back up at me. "Dyyyyaaaaaaahhh, Meestah RJ!! What's dis button do?"
"What button, Doofo?" I asked, straining to see over the WACKKATIT.
"DIS ONE!!" Doofo yelled, not knowing he PUSHED IT!!
Suddenly, the machine began to Shake! It began to Quake! It began to Bake! It began to Vi-Bor-rate! Electrical gizmos sparked and crackled, sending the acrid smell of ozone into the air. Innumerous pistons began pumping and thumping and gushing. Poor Doofo began punching the button frantically, but it did not shut off. Danno began punching more buttons; but only set off all sorts of bells, whistles, gongs, blinking lights, flashing lights, strobing lights, neon lights, flagpoles, whirligigs, spinning jennies, honking fish horns, ompa-pa playing calliopes, and buzzing kazoos. A panel blew off,
revealing the Embryonic Building Element solution tank. It was just about empty, but enough for one more clone. Luckily, we had already removed Brian's Easy Bake Oven Timer he had attached to make the soft, mushy PerryTroopers faster then recommended by ACME Labs. The unclaimed Clones in the Clone
Corral had started to panic, so Danno and Doofo dropped their implements of destruction and tried to try and calm them down. I jumped to the ground and saw the last of the eerie green clone solution gurgle into the machine. I then grabbed Penni, who about to make a hasty retreat.
"Don't tell me you still had Embryonic Building Elements in that thing!!" I yelled angrily. Penni just squealed with fear, "Uh we had enough to make one more clone, but there was an extra 3 gallons of EBE we couldn't get out, so we just waited for a new shipment of EBE to arrive..."
The Cooker started blowing steam and began whistling, chugging, and chooing; the frightened unclaimed clones going even more berserk from the noise. "Alright, Penni; whose Master Matrix is that thing imprinting?"
"Well..." stammered Penni. "I made 5 clones of me before Brian expelled me from PHOEBE for my personal guard..."
"Oh great...ANOTHER Penni..."
Danno yelled over the meeping clones. "Hey RJ, I erased Penni's matrix from the CLone Cooker computer before we started!"
"But did you defrag the Clone Cooker Computer Core?"
"The Clone Cooker Computer Core? CRAP!"
Without an active matrix to clone, the Clone Cooker would default to the original Cloning material--Brendan Beiser's! But would the remnant of Penni's warped DNA in the cooking chamber cause some sort of horrible cloning accident?!? Something had to done...but what?
I raced through the ACME Clone Cooker Owners manual (which is even more badly written then micro-soft manuals) to see how to shut off the dang thing without an off switch. As Penni ran off in terror, I ordered Danno and Doofo to take the other clones to the relative safety of the Clone stables, leaving
me fully exposed to the palpitating clone cooker. Sadly, my efforts to find a means to stop it came to naught. Twentynine minutes later, the unsyncopated cacophony ceased with a giant rush of pungent steam and a tinny *DING* as the big neon light over the Discharge chute flashed "All Done!"
A hush fell over the scene. Danno, Doofo and a bunch of unclaimed clones slowly peeked out from the stables. I approached the Clone Cooker. A figure began to stir from the discharge chute, clad in the (hopefully) last PHOEBE
uniform of orange and pink plaid kilt, silver tank top, yellow vest and shoes, and raspberry beret (like the kind you'd find in a second hand store). But even in the shadows of the chute, something was....different.....about this clone.
As Danno and Doofo stared in disbelief, I finally saw the latest and last Clone emerge from the Clone Cooker...
A FEMALE PENDRELL CLONE!!!!!
:::*DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN....*::
It was impossible....but there she was!!! A FEMALE PENDRELL!!! She looked exactly like Pendrell...but softer, more feminine. She had shoulder-length curly hair (like Frieda of the Peanuts gang), pouty lips, and...well, uh, a prepregancy Gillian Anderson....bosom. She was looking around and smiling, obviously enjoying the nice autumn weather.
Doofo: "Garsh! She's Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrty!"
Suddenly, the girl clone looked down at herself in The PHOEBE uniform and also went "EEEyyooooooooooohhh!!!!' as she grimaced in disgust. At least she had inherent fashion taste. I approached.
"Hello!! I am Parody Prince RJ CHRISTEN(sen); LABB Bartender, QC Manager, Rocketeer Action Guy, Progressive Political DJ, X-Files Top20 Writer, Cowardly Ex-Rogue Beisermeister #20, and founding member of the `Yearning Enthusiasts of Alyson Hannigan'. Welcome to Labbville!"
She just stared at me. "Uh, HELLO! I am RJ." I said slower, pointing to myself. "Welcome to Labbville" I added, pointing around the area. I then pointed back at the stupefied Danno and Doofo. "Danno...Doofo...Danno....Doofo" I then pointed back at me. "RJ!"
She turned her head to one side and spoke. "Ar-Jay?"
"Yes! RJ! I'm R-J! And this is Danno and Doofo..."
"Daa-no? Doo-Foe?"
"Yes! And you are?"
"Badly dressed! Oh mah gawd! Fer Sure!"
It was going to be an interesting day....
Parody Prince RJ CHRISTEN(sen); LABB Bartender, QC Manager, Rocketeer Action Guy, Progressive Political DJ, X-Files Top20 Writer, Cowardly Ex-Rogue Beisermeister #20, and founding member of the "Yearning Enthusiasts of Alyson Hannigan" (YEAH!)
From Carson Maynard <haem@katie.vnet.net>
I'm still sitting here in this room, waiting to find out what Penni wanted me for - heshe left quite a while ago...something about RJ, I think. Anyway, apparently some interesting things have been going on outside.
ROSE: I'm okay now, really I am.
[Dr Fuller Bull walked in!]
SAMI and ENCAT and TRILL and DAWN: Dr Bull! You're back!
[a light fixture crashed to the ground behind EnCat]
ENCAT: I will not scream. I will not scream. I will not scream.
[other lights began popping out all over the room]
ENCAT: *screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam!*
[The front door opened, admitting a tall blonde man with bright blue eyes]
TRILL: Ooooh. He's cuuuuuuuuuute!
[a waiting room chair suddenly leapt away from the wall towards Chris, pinning him against the wall on the opposite side of the room]
CHRIS: What is this?!
[doors up and down the hall, with the exception of mine and Debi's, began opening and closing loudly]
CHRIS: This is more than a simple case of unauthorized clone usage!
[everyone stared at the front doors expectantly...alas, none of the trio appeared. Just Nuse Fenity, who came out of my room sporting a whopping great bruise over one eye.]
CHRIS: [trying unsuccessfully to push the chair away from his legs] What's going on in this place?!
[all the lights went out]
NURSE FENITY: See? All better!
[everyone ran around in a panic]
JANET: Get them off me! Get them off me! [flails wildly]
[the lights came back on]
DR BULL: Now now, that wasn't so bad, was it?
Carson Maynard :>
From Carson Maynard <haem@katie.vnet.net>
Today, outside my little room (when *is* that Nurse Fenity coming for me?!)...
DAWN: Anyone care for some tea? [holds teapot aloft]
[Brian entered]
BRIAN: Did I hear someone talking about my dad?
[Ian and Brian looked at him innocently]
CHRIS: Clones!!! Unauthorized clones!!! More of them!
Carson Maynard :>
From Creyente@aol.com
*~*We now interrupt our regularly scheduled email for a special announcement*~*
THE ALIENS HAVE LANDED IN LABVILLE!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!
Lord UrsUp of the planet MineKiss has landed on Main Street. UrsUp has demanded that we relinquish all plastic beakers and worse yet all DOOF! products. The Labville National Guard has been called in to take care of the situation. Meanwhile, reaction on the street....
:::sounds of fire sirens blaring and screams of terror::::
NOT THE DOOF!!! NOOOOO, DOOF YOU!!!!!! NOOOOO........!!!!!!!!!
::::rifle fire:::::
INTO THE SHELTER!!! TAKE THE DOOOOOFFFFF.....
::::missles screaming across sky::::
::::UFO crashing::::
Kristin
Picture courtesy of Pez Dispensers.
Date: Thu, 23 Oct 1997 01:51:31 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: {{{LABB}}} I used to be apathetic, but now I just don
*******************************************
Penni: "Oh Brian!! <Penni is shaking hisher head..rattling sounds> How could you lie to Carson & the others!! You did not crawl back here! You are just
afraid Abree will find you & beat you to a pulp!!"
Brian: "Uh?? Is my mummy here?"
Penni: "No!! We will go & see Abree<my bestest friend btw> & Odie as soon as
possible!!" <Penni looks at Carson> "Carson? You need to come in as Nurse Fenity wants some of your blood dear!"
Carson: "Hey!! I have been here too long & I will not give her or anybody ANYTHING!!"
Penni: "Carson??? Now..you don't won't me to tie you up do you?"
Carson: "Uh..I do not care anymore!" <Penni steps over closer to Carson >
Carson: "Penni!! Do not touch me!! Look..take Queen Thud & get her blood!! Or even Ian here but leave me alone!!"
Penni: "Carson?? Only blood from a Labmouse will do!! No clones blood will work! Now Debi needs your blood & EnCats, Roses, & Queen Thuds!! Ok?" <Rose passes out into the floor>
Carson: "Now look what you did Penni!! You moron!!"
Penni: <glares at Carson....then smiles> "Carson? I am a Clone! Not a medical person!! You are a Labmouse!! Not a magician!!" <Penni gets a grin on hisher face> "Uh Carson? Come here dear man!! I have a *favor* to ask of
you." <Carson walks slowly over to Penni with a rather terrified look on his face..........
******************************************************************
....ok?? Now wonder what Penni *needs* from Carson..really??? Why does Nurse Fenity need *blood*?? Is Rose still on the floor? Does she know it? What is Queen Thud doing during all of this?? How did Janet get here??
Hmm.....lots of questions!!
Stay tuned!!!
Date: Fri, 24 Oct 1997 00:34:29 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: [LABB] Trampled Roses Exude Lasting Aromas, N'Est-ce (pas)?
ENCAT: Wave some of the stinky cheese under her nose.
ENCAT: Thanks. [waves it under Rose's nose]
ROSE: [sitting bolt upright] *cough* *cough* Needles!!! Needles!!! ACK!!! [falls unconscious again]
SAMI: Hmmm. *That* didn't work.
JANET: How did I get here? What is this place? Who am I?
ME: Uh, guys...
ME: No! I don't wanna go! What are you going to do with me?
PENNI: Nurse [tug] Fenity [tug] wants [tug] your [tug] blood! [TUG]
ENCAT: Yeah, that's painful. [winces]
JANET: How did I get here?
QUEEN THUD:
JANET: Well, that doesn't explain *anything*.
DAWN: I'm sleepy. Do I have to give blood?
IAN: Yes, all of the LabMice do. Bwahahaha!
TRILL: I'll give blood, as long as they let me stick around to watch Ally.
SAMI: I'll give blood too, as long as they let me listen to Hanson.
ENCAT: I'll give blood, as long as they tell me the origin of "Pendrell."
ROSE: [sits up, eyes wide] Needles!!! [faints again]
Date: Fri, 24 Oct 1997 20:05:54 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: LABBAmorous Adolescent Australian Atomic Aardvaarks Amazingly Assemble Allnight.
Penni: Uh, Hi Mr RJ! I came down to hear to help organize..uh, a BLOOD DRIVE to help out the American Purple Cross!"
RJ: That's RED Cross, Penni..."
Penni: "Red Kross? But isn't that some sort of pop metal/post punk/alternative rock band from Los Angeles?"
RJ: Well, that's an interesting thought coming from someone who last month thought Perry Como was the greatest musical act of all time...but no. And sorry, I can't donate. I once had hepatitis as a child and my blood is still no good. Need a DJ to liven up the proceeding?"
Penni: Uh, no thanks RJ. By the way...whatcha doing?"
RJ: "We're returning the Acme Clone Cooker to it's original
configuration...
Danno: Hey RJ! Where's the power supply cable?"
Penni: "Oh! We installed a portable generator after Labbville Power and Gas turned off the electricity!"
RJ: "Great..just great..."
Penni: But why are you doing this anyway?"
RJ: "So we can send it BACK to ACME and end any future clone being made; Pendrell, Monkee, Odie, or whomever clones."
Penni: But making Clones is Fun!"
RJ: "But look what happened! We have over 2 dozen unadapted clones in the Clone Corral who have to be fed, watered, clothed, washed, and cared for! And look what happened to all the 3rd Gen Clones you crudely made! I suppose they didn't have any fun!"
Penni: Well, I never!" ::starts off in a huff:: "That nasty Cici did a lot more nasty things with the clone cooker...."
RJ: Hey, Penni! Before you go, can you at least tell me what THIS thing is??"
(musical interlude)
Danno: "Woo-hoo! She's a Babe!"
Unclaimed Clones: ":::wolf whistle:::
RJ: "Hold it. She's your sister!"
Danno/Doofo/Clones: "Eyooooooohhh! Our sister?"
Date: Fri, 24 Oct 1997 23:39:27 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: [LABB] Advocate Nature Trails Of Nevada
NURSE FENITY: Well, is everyone ready to give blood?
ROSE: Needles!!! Ack!!! [faints]
NURSE FENITY: Oh, don't be - [lights flicker] Ooh.
SAMI and ENCAT: What was that?!
NURSE FENITY: Just, um...electrical problems.
SAMI and ENCAT: Oh. Yeah, okay.
DEBI: *scream*
NURSE FENITY: What is it *now*, Uni?
DEBI: My IV stopped! And my glass of water is moving around on the table!
NURSE FENITY: Debi, did you eat the mushrooms in your salad again today?
DEBI: No! I didn't! I swear!!!
NURSE FENITY: [sighs] Be right back, folks. [goes to attend to Debi]
DAWN: We've been waiting around here for days! Weeks, almost!
TRILL: Where have you been?!
DR BULL: Oh, er, just...experimenting. Yes. Experimenting.
ENCAT: So are you going to tell us what you want with us?
SAMI: And how we can help?
JANET: And what I'm doing here?
DR BULL: Yes, yes, of course, little ones! You must trust Dr Fuller Bull!
DAWN: Here...you're not Chr*s C*rter or anything, are you?
DR BULL: Do I look like Chr*s C*rter?
DAWN: No...you don't look like much of anything, actually.
DR BULL: That's the way I like it.
ME: [from my little room off the side of the hall] I heard Bonnie Langford! Where is she?! [nobody heard me]
JANET: What's happening?!
DR BULL: Oh...just an electrical problem...nothing to worry about.
NURSE FENITY: [re-entering] Debi's under sedation, Dr Bull.
DR BULL: Excellent, Nurse Fenity. And the first subject?
NURSE FENITY: I'll just see about him, Dr Bull. [enters my room]
ENCAT: [wincing] Wow, what a racket.
SAMI: I didn't know there were that many things to throw in there.
MAN: Uh...hi. I'm Christopher Rodonanté Cwej...here to look into some unauthorized clones. [flashes a badge] Can anyone tell me anything about that? [looks at everyone]
JANET: Don't ask me. I don't even know what I'm doing here.
TRILL: Don't ask me. I'm just waiting for Ally to come on.
SAMI: Don't ask me. I'm not even *in* the LABB right now.
ENCAT: Uhhhh...heh heh...uh...ask Queen Thud!
CHRIS: [looks at Queen Thud] Well?
QUEEN THUD:
CHRIS: Thank you, that's all I needed to know. [jots something down in his notebook]
DAWN: Where are Mulder and Scully when we need them?
ENCAT: Pendrell would be nice, too.
DR BULL and NURSE FENITY: Uh...it's just...a static electricity problem. Be fixed in no time.
SAMI: Is that a swarm of glowing green forest mites I see?!
BUGS: [sitting on the walls of Teso Taco Loco] Bzzzz...bzzzz...bzzzz...
QUEEN THUD:
TRILL: You said it, sister.
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 1997 22:33:43 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: [LABB] Deleterious Odors Of Fermenting Okra
ROSE: You don't have coffee, do you?
DAWN: No, sorry. Just tea.
CHRIS: [looking over] What kind of tea is it?
DAWN: Dunno. Smells like PG.
CHRIS: Yeucch. [massages his bruised leg]
IAN: [walking into the waiting room] Do I smell tea?
CHRIS: [looking up] Sully?
IAN: [shaking his head] Uh-uh.
CHRIS: You're not Sully...?
IAN: Nope. I like him, though. He's nice.
CHRIS: But you look just like him...
IAN: Yup!
CHRIS: [frowning] Can you tell me who your father is?
IAN: Um...biological or adopted?
CHRIS: Biological. Then we'll get to adopted.
IAN: Fictional or real?
CHRIS: [blinking] Fictional?!
IAN: Okay. Agent Pendrell of the FBI Sci-Crime Lab! He's my dad!
CHRIS: And...did you say real?
IAN: Yes! Brendan Beiser of Vancouver is also my dad, sorta!
ENCAT: [laughing nervously] It's a long story...you see...
SAMI: We were just, uh...
JANET: Keeping them! For...
DAWN: For Brendan, yeah. And his friend, Agent Pendrell.
CHRIS: Friend?
QUEEN THUD:
CHRIS: Oh...okaaay...
CHRIS: Whoa! [leaps up] You...you...
IAN and BRIAN: We are too authorized! [blowing raspberries]
DEBI: [from her room] BATS!!! BATS!!! ACK!!! Whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...!
Date: Mon, 27 Oct 1997 18:30:33 -0500 (EST)
Subject: ((LABB)) LET IT SNOW!!!!
DEFEND THE DOOF!!!
