13 January 1995 Doctor Who - The Planet of the Crazies starring the fifth Doctor, Leela, and K9 BozoBoy (cecilia@199.93.173.25) - Rula; BobVila; Kil; shopkeeper DarkOne (sorry....@kingston-ts-23.nstn.ca) - DarkOne; POLICE; police2; DarkSoldier; Grav_Patrol ElsaF (elsaf@usa.pipeline.com) - K9; Desksergeant; energyform; Mikos; Master (final) Haem (haem@lys.vnet.net) - Doc5; Mel; Spider_of_Death; Dana_Scully; Melanie; Deanna_Troi; Julian_Bashir; Terry_Farrell; Peri; Tegan; Barbara; Vicki; Victoria; ChrisCwej; RozForrester Keeper (keeper@gorn.evolve.com) - Leela; LouiseJameson; Slappy_Squirrel; Vila; PropMan; Dr_Scratchansniff; Wanderer; DeepThought; She; EarthwormJim; Skippy_Squirrel; StBernard; DonOctave; IlToreador; FordPrefect; Doc7; SuperBeing; Doc8; DodoChaplet; ZaphodBeeblebrox; FanBoy; GeorgeTakei; DannyJohnJules; HintonBattle; Keeper Spigi (nettles@slaughter.com) - BrianBlessed; Nareeeena; MaeWest; Thessalia; BennySummerfield; SpiGi; Patsy nimon (galifrey@fast.net) - celery; Master (original); Master-Watching-In-His-TARDIS -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ::title music:: * Doc5 is lounging in a chair flipping through the TARDIS operations manual * Leela enters the console room, followed by that which she almost wears * Doc5 glances up Good afternoon, Leela. Have a nice swim? I only wish the pool had some creatures to hunt * Doc5 closes the book and puts it off to the side Now, now, Leela. I think you just need a vacation. What is that thing? * Leela points at the book That's the TARDIS operations manual. Not quite what I'd use to further your reading lessons. * Leela blinks uncomprehendingly. "I see." * Doc5 pulls out _Run, Spot, Run!_ My favorite! What was it you asked me? I wanted to know if you felt like taking a vacation, Leela. After that business with the Oogolmeres. What is a vacation? * Doc5 falters Well...it's when you...never mind, I'll just show you. Vacation - a period of recreation and rest. Thank you, K9. * Doc5 bustles around the console, setting co-ordinates * K9 wags his tail So, Leela, what do you say to the Eye of Orion? That depends on who this Orion person is and what he's done. * Leela reaches for her knife unconsciously You would have liked Orion, Leela. He was a great hunter. Then I would say to his eye that I admire him. Why do you ask, Doctor? Because, Leela, that's where we're going...I hope. We're going to meet a mighty hunter? * Leela smiles No, Leela, just a world named after him. Though you never know... * Leela frowns ::The TARDIS shakes:: * Doc5 grabs the side of the console Oh dear... Danger! Danger! * Leela falls over, and a million fans freeze-frame looking for her underwear * K9 sniffs her supine form * BrianBlessed is suddenly in the TARDIS * Doc5 bangs controls He's awfully young, isn't he? * BrianBlessed leaves ::The TARDIS settles out:: Was that Orion, Doctor? No, Leela - I think maybe it was a spectre of some sort. I'm going to try to land. A spirit? Yes, exactly. * Doc5 materializes the TARDIS The spirit of Orion... He had two eyes, though. Come on, let's go out and see what we can see. * Doc5 depresses the door lever and exits * K9 rolls over to the door * Leela watches K9 leave, then follows in a rear-guard action It's mid-day. Does the Spirit of Orion not travel at night with the other spirits? * Doc5 looks around That depends on where we are, Leela.... The atmosphere is highly saturated with positive ions. * Doc5 frowns Positive ions, hmm? ::in front of Leela and the Doctor are oddly shaped kiosks serving lewdly shaped objects:: ::there is much in the way of neon signs and much dust in the air:: ::the sky is gaudy with its smoky colors:: * K9 samples the air Air and gravity earth normal, master. * Leela holds up a long, slightly curved object with one tapered end. "Doctor, doesn't this look like a--?" but she is interrupted by him. Well, come on, let's go this way. * Doc5 strides toward the nearest neon sign * Leela tosses the object back where she got it and follows * K9 follows * Doc5 looks up at the building under which he has arrived * Nareeeena is a shopowner...dressed looking pretty much like an reject from early 80s new wave * Doc5 smiles at Nareeeena Hello! How do you do, my strangely dressed gentleman? * Doc5 casts a critical eye over Nareeeena's wares * Leela finally arrives at the Doctor's side Quite well, thank you. What is your desire? What can I serve you with...or WHO can I serve you with...if you get my meaning... * Leela keeps a hand on her knife, untrusting * Doc5 glances up * Nareeeena raises an eyebrow in what he thinks is a seductive way Er - I think I would be more interested in the whats, but thank you. Ah... * Nareeeena looks at Leela * Leela pulls back, an angry expression on her face What are YOU looking at? * Doc5 sighs This is my companion, Leela, and my dog K9. Mightn't I interest you in some jewellery? You look like a silver type...or perhaps you might be interested in our beautifully decorated knives? * Leela draws her knife and points it at Nareeeena's throat. "Knives are meant to be used -- not looked at!" Leela, put the knife away. You wouldn't happen to have a silver stick of celery, would you? A silver stick of celery? Well, we do have some rhinestone encrusted celeries over here * Nareeeena leads the Doctor towards a case of jewellery * Doc5 follows Nareeeena and of course they're shaped like thingies... Come along, Leela, K9. * Leela doesn't. "I do not trust this person, Doctor." I just love those stupid kind of novelty gifts. * Doc5 leans back toward Leela * Doc5 whispers "I don't either. Just be alert." Oh, are you sure I can't interest you in anything? * Nareeeena is getting impatient with his customers * K9 extends his defensive laser * Doc5 pulls out some money How much for that stick of celery there? Uh, a STEAL at 43 telmars. [at this point, someone named "Degenerate-bastard" comes in and quickly departs again for reasons known only to him or her...maybe it had something to do with that celery...] * Leela lessens the aggressiveness of her stance, but keeps the knife unsheathed Ah! So this is Zlata, then? The current exchange rate is 10 telmars to the drachma, master. * Doc5 pulls out a fifty-telmar Zlatan note Ah I'm glad that degenerate bastard has left my shop. * Leela chases and stabs the degenerate bastard * Doc5 gives the note to Nareeeena * Leela returns * Nareeeena takes the note and wraps the celery up * Doc5 pulls off his fresh celery and gives it to Nareeeena Here, good for the teeth. Here you go, sir... Thank you for shopping at Nareeeena's! I trust the celery will give you years of unmarked pleasure. * Doc5 pins on the rhinestone celery * Doc5 turns to Leela * Leela looks at it What do you think - too flashy? Why are you wearing...that...? * Doc5 is crestfallen You don't like it, Leela? Oh, and just remember to replace the batteries every 6 months! * Doc5 looks at Nareeeena Why batteries? * Nareeeena has disappeared * Doc5 shrugs Doctor, why is it shaped like a...like a man? * Doc5 looks down My celery? * Doc5 taps the celery It doesn't look much like a celery to me. * celery twitches on the Doctor's lapels, lights up, and winks * Doc5 is surprised It looks more like a-- Should it do that? * Leela is startled by the `celery' I wonder... * Doc5 shrugs Well, let's go. Come on! * Doc5 strides out of the shop * LouiseJameson whispers, "Peter, I don't think the BBC censors will like you wearing that..." * K9 follows * Doc5 discreetly un-pins the celery and puts it in his pocket * Nareeeena's shop makes an odd vorping noise and dematerializes...a laugh is heard as it is dematerializing Let's go further into the town. What do you say? Maybe there's a nice curry takeaway. * Leela eyes where the Doctor puts it and secretly wonders if she could get it off him... Doctor, what about the Spirit of Orion? Oh yes, I'd forgotten about him. Why don't we scout around and see what we can find? K9 is a good scouter, aren't you, K9? Affirmative, master! * Leela kicks K9 Mistress! * Doc5 bends down. "K9, keep on the alert for anything...extranatural." * K9 wags his tail furiously * Slappy_Squirrel walks by the shops, buying various and sundry items... * K9 considers chasing the squirrel, but thinks better of it ***** * Master gets out of his merchant costume, and back into his black velvet costume, in an environment which looks suprisingly like a cross between a shop and a TARDIS... * Master walks over to the celery counter, opens the door, presses a celery, and a panel opens.... * Master flicks a switch on the pannel, and chuckles insanely... ***** * celery starts flashing under the Doctor's lapels [the celery is in my pocket :> ] [in more ways than one] * Doc5 throws pustules at Leela Is your celery flashing or are you just pleased to see me, Doc? * MaeWest shows a bit of leg and disappears Master, I detect an unusual level of radiation. Hmm, thank you, K9. From where? The approximate location of your right pocket! * Doc5 is startled * Doc5 pulls out the celery * Doc5 frowns I paid forty-three telmars for this! * Doc5 shows the celery to K9 What do you make of this? * Doc5 puts the celery in front of K9's sensors The technology would be consistent with that utilized by Time Lords in this period. Time Lords? * Doc5 looks back where Nareeeena's shop used to be It's gone. Master, there was a surge in the chronon level after we exited the shop. Is this giving out dangerous levels of radiation, K9? * Doc5 wonders if he should keep or ditch the rhinestone celery If held in proximity to an organic structure it would be harmful, master. Better throw it away, then. * Leela thinks the Doctor looks silly holding out a big `celery'... * Doc5 puts the celery on the ground K9? Blast it. Literally. * K9 malfunctions and backs off * Leela secretly wonders if maybe K9 is confused as to which `celery' he should blast * Doc5 kicks Leela * Rula enters Wait! You can use that in the salad! Don't throw it out! * Doc5 looks up Do you eat rhinestones often, madam? On occasion I've been known to eat them, yes. Even radioactive ones? Served in a white sauce, anything is good. I am from the dimesion known as Martha Stewart. It's a good thing. I have a very high regard for Ms Stewart. Yes, she is one of the ancients, descendant of stepford wives. * K9 remembers that Ms. Stewart designed Doc5's outfit Fetching, isn't it? * Doc5 smiles. "Thank you!" * Doc5 shrugs and hands the celery to Rula I made a great tangerine dressing with walnuts, that's why. Hmm - that sounds nice! Leela, how do you feel about trying a tangerine and walnut dressing? What's wrong with my current dressing? * Doc5 blinks Oh - it's fine, Leela. I mean salad dressing. Have you ever tried salad? What is salad? Is it another object shaped like bits of a man? No, no, Leela - it's bits of chopped vegetables. It's not radioactive enough...have you tried this plutonium dip? It's a good thing. * Doc5 backs away No...thank you... Master, I do not think that Rula is an organic lifeform. * Doc5 kneels down to K9 Just a topping... Not organic? She's an android? * Doc5 regards Rula You're right. She moves too precisely. I've been found out! * Doc5 stands back up So that's why she can eat radioactive celery... Must destroy others and then go postal! Wait, Rula! It's not necessary to become violent. * Rula grabs a salad shooter from a control panel and turns to fire [DarkOne, who has been dormant for quite some time, suddenly enters the story] * DarkOne jumps behind a table Is that a weapon, Doctor? I'm not sure, Leela... * K9 disarms Rula with a shot from his blaster nose ugh! You have killed me...I thought we were friends... * Doc5 quickly snatches Rula's side-arm Eyes getting foggy...ugh... You're not dying, only stunned. Oh. Arms immobile...ugh, can't seem to wisk egg whites...ugh... Apologies, I am programmed to protect the master and mistress. * Master, back in his TARDIS, laughs My ruse has worked! I have diverted the Doctor's attention from what is really going on here, with this pathetic android! How does that weapon work, Doctor? You'll recover shortly, Rula. Now, why don't you tell me why you're pointing salad shooters around? * Leela takes the `weapon' and examines it. Ugh! * Rula kicks both legs in the air and thinks she's on another BBC program like upstairs/downstairs * Thessalia is wandering 'bout near Nareeeena's shop, sort of looking for work... * Thessalia is an out-of-work vaudevillan, dressed in all black and in silly Blackadder-I-like shoes * Thessalia whistles "There are men of over 90 who have never 'ere kissed a girl" * Thessalia sees the "help wanted" sign in Nareeeena's shop. Straightening out her coat and unruly curly hair she walks in... * Thessalia doesn't see the shopkeeper but finds all sorts of other items such as that windup dildo, and other really wacked items * Thessalia spots a bag of ox-flavored chips and puts some telmars down and eats her snack and waits * Thessalia is still waiting and is almost done with those chips... * Thessalia calls a last "Hallo?! Anybody there?" * Thessalia takes off to go to another shop * Leela bumps into Thessalia, and the salad shooter goes off * Leela stares at it in awe * Doc5 quickly runs up and takes the salad shooter out of Leela's hand Leela, don't go spitting julienned carrots at strangers. * Thessalia, shocked, lets out a quick yell Oh. um... Hi... um... you woudln't know of any jobs nearby, would you? * Thessalia is slightly embarrassed for yelling Jobs? Nice salad shooter you've got there... Do you know anything about androids? Androids? Well, some of my best friends are androids, actually... Come take a look at Rula over here... But really... * Doc5 points to Rula I don't really hang out with the androids... some of them are cool but then some of them are just weird...I mean, I'm not like my mom...she's really androidsist. Androidsist? You mean robophobic? * Rula starts to sizzle and foam * Rula is turning back into the organic substance known as Creme Brulee * Rula dies * Doc5's eyes widen K9, what just happened to Rula? Ew. What's wrong with that android? * Doc5 walks to the pile of creme brulee and sniffs * Thessalia's never seen that happen before Oh, pardon me, I guess I haven't introduced myself. * Doc5 tastes the pile of sweet pudding Molecular disintegration, master. And a very strange sort, at that. Oh, I'm Thessalia, by the way... I'm just your average out-of-work actor, juggler and mime. * Leela sees someone try to take a picture of Rula disintegrating, but the silly photographer left the Lenska on. Hi, I'm Bob Vila. And I'm Vila Restal. How do you do? I'm from a distant planet known as the Dark World. * Doc5 looks at Bob * Thessalia is wondering who these oddly dressed people are... but somehow warms to them easily Vila? No, I'm not from the planet of bearded lesbians... My world is very agressive and always at war with opposing Empires. Master, advise that this person not be allowed into the TARDIS. Don't worry, K9 - I don't know enough about any of these people yet to consider letting them near the TARDIS. Now for some of that android crumpet... * Vila wanders off, grinning. The Dark Lord sent me and a battalion of men to search for other planets for minerals to build starships. I am from a planet of peaceful house refurbishing...I find your ways different and exciting. Oh, stuff it, Bob. Well! Don't listen to him. Hs just one of those gits who spend their days watching the Vreevids. OK...then I really am a lesbian. * Thessalia winks at BobVila * Thessalia knows BobVila and is just trying to piss him off for a bit of fun * Doc5 motions to Leela Yes, Doctor? Come on, Leela - let's go this way... I guess none of you really care about where I came from, right? * DarkOne sighs then leans back against a wall * Doc5 hurriedly walks away * Thessalia realizes they're not going to get her any work I must go, I see a home that needs repair! * BobVila goes back into his hovercraft shaped like a red Ford pickup * Thessalia watches BobVila go Showoff. Have you found where the Spirit of Orion got to, Doctor? That's what we're going to look for, Leela. * K9 is having trouble keeping up on the rough ground * PropMan replaces K9 with a light box version, and ties strings to the front OK, lads, pull! * Doc5 holds the strings and hides his hands behind his back * K9 catches up K9, do you sense anything unusual? [NiallC, who has been watching, decides to depart] *** Signoff: NiallC (Carrot Juice Carrot Juice Carrot Juice!!) * Mel follows NiallC out * Leela stabs the scary woman Master, there is a high level of ectoplasmic radiation to the southwest. Ah-ha! We go that way, then! * Doc5 strides toward the southwest ectospastic? * DarkOne follows Doc5 * Thessalia tags along Ectoplasmic, Leela. Ask K9. Mistress, ectoplasmic radiation is often detected in proximity to spirits. So, are you from Vadrian City? Erm - well - in a roundabout way. * Leela introduces herself to Thessalia. "I'm Leela, of the Sevateem. That's the Doctor. We're searching for the Spirit of Orion." The Spirit of Orion? What's that when it's at home? Exactly what it sounds like, Thessalia. Only it may not be what my companion suspects. Orion was a great hunter, the Doctor says. He had one eye, but his spirit has two. The spirit of Orion...but that's just one of those naff stories I had to study in school! There is often a lot of truth in fiction, Thessalia. Ah. Well, I'm Thessalia, your typical unemployed...oh, wait, I already said that. * DarkOne pulls out a small scanner off his belt and activates it Hmmm, I detect life forms about 30 metres to the west. DarkOne is true in his direction, master. K9, can you home in on that radiation you detected? Oh, by the way, I'm a wanted criminal :) But I'm innocent! ::someone fires rocket fireworks which explode on the ground:: Down! Danger, master! * Thessalia ducks * Doc5 dives to the ground, throwing his coat over Leela * Leela pulls out her knife, standing up RACCOON! * DarkOne pulls out a blaster pistol Leela, get down! * Leela discoes eh? I really don't see the point in this, Doctor. * DarkOne jumps for cover * Doc5 gets back up I cannot locate the source of the bombardment, master. They came from that way. * Doc5 points to the northwest * Leela stops dancing and resumes her tough pose * DarkOne activates his scanner Damn! One of the explosions knocked out my scanner! * DarkOne throws the useless scanner on the ground * K9 sniffs it I know this sounds like a stupid question... but why are there gravpatrol shooting at us? Is that what they were? Gravpatrol? Grape patrol? Gravpatrol...the android team of so-called "police." Gravpatrol, Leela. They patrol the countryside on antigrav flitters. Oh, I like apple flitters. That's fritter, Leela. Not the same thing, but close. There is no similarity between fried pastries and antigrav vehicles, master. * Doc5 whispers to K9 "I know, I was trying to make her feel better!" I have nothing against androids but policemen are bad enough as humans. And the fritter shop workers are losing money as well. *grin* Could they know where the Spirit of Orion is? Unlikely, mistress. Well I hope there's more of `em! I'm dying for action! I could make you die a lot sooner. Shut up! You know that's not what I meant. * DarkOne fires at the patrol So, Leela, which way? To the spirit of Orion or the gravpatrol? Well, I've got a noise explosion unit...androids hate this... * Thessalia takes out a small pocket-sized unit with a red button on it This should confuse them. * Thessalia points the device at the android patrol and presses the button * Doc5 looks at K9 with concern It won't harm my dog, will it? Oh, probably not! Well, I hope not... * Doc5 fidgets K9 isn't made with arollium circuits, is he? * K9 spins in a circle K9 dances well. Thessalia, stop! * Thessalia stops sorry...I meant well...Sorry, K-9! * DarkOne continues firing at the patrol Yes...in fact, most of his brain is composed of arollium circuits. * K9 groans and smokes slightly Oh dear. * Doc5 bends down and opens up K9's head * Thessalia bites her lip and looks guilty Hmm...only minor damage. You should be fine, given some time to recover, K9. Well, it seems to have messed up the androids, as well... * Doc5 looks up to the sky You're right, they're gone. * Kil lurks in the Zlatan bushes, waiting * Leela notes it is nearing night already, even though it was mid-day when she arrived here * DarkOne fires at the droids, hitting one of them Thessalia, where is the police headquarters? I think it might be worth looking into. Not police! Police headquarters...ew...headquarters are located about a few miles north of here...in Avonia. All right - to the north, then. * Doc5 swivels and starts heading for Avonia Ah well...might as well get me mum pissed off and worried. * DarkOne tears down the "WANTED: DARKONE; Reward: 10,000 telmars" sign on the building What was it you did, exactly, DarkOne? I was accused of destroying a starport full of innocent people, but I was framed! * Kil emerges from behind a Avonian hedge Salutations, I am Kil * Thessalia follows Doc5 * K9 rolls along behind, a bit wobbly * Doc5 stopps and looks at Kil Pleased to meet you. I'm the Doctor, these are my friends Leela and K9, that is Thessalia, and this is the Dark One. * Leela stands beside the Doctor... Can I join you...eh, my vehicle is in need of repair...that's it. Yeah! * Leela furrows her brow. "Hello..." * Doc5 smiles widely Certainly! Tag along. * Thessalia peers at DarkOne I heard about that starport... * Thessalia decides to keep her distance from DarkOne * DarkOne lowers his head. "My family was on that starport." * Doc5 leans toward Leela Leela, keep an eye on Kil. You're the only one I can trust to make sure he doesn't harm anyone. Don't let my ugly appearance fool you. I am quite handy. * Kil weighs 300 pounds and is 4'8" * Doc5 leads his motley crew forward I remember learning how to program androids in school. Let's not just stand here and chat! Those patrols could be all over us! Here, let me be of assistance, I told you I was handy. I'm sure the grav patrol is much harder to hack into but still... * Leela_ keeps an eye on Kil * K9 goes into defensive mode * DarkOne looks around Is this it, Doctor? * Doc5 arrives under a building titled "Police Station" Yes, I believe so. Shall we go in the front door or should we have a scout round first? I'll wait outside! We attack! I think it might be a good idea to go in peacefully, Leela. At least, until we know a bit more, that is. Inadvisable to attack police, mistress. * Thessalia is feeling really bad about this suddenly Yes, but coudn't they be related to the gravpatrol firing at us? I think they are, Thessalia. That's why we're investigating. Okay, well, I'm ready if you're ready... * Doc5 goes through the front door and takes off his hat * Doc5 approaches the front desk * Thessalia is feeling actually quite vulnerable without being able to use her noise exploder * DarkOne leans beside the entrance * K9 is stymied by steps * Doc5 smiles brightly * Kil lumbers quietly behind the crew Hallo! * Leela picks up K9 and carries him up the steps. Can I help you, sir? Yes, I do hope so. * Leela enters, carrying K9 My friends and I were walking through the streets when we were attacked by some of your men. I wondered if you might be able to shed some light on the situation? Just fill out some of these forms... * Leela puts K9 down * Leela pats him on the head * Doc5 takes the twenty forms given to him by the desk sergeant * Doc5 frowns I really don't have time for all this. * Doc5 looks at the sergeant penetratingly Must follow procedure, you know. Look, we were just almost killed by those boff droids. * Leela looks at the Doctor as if asking if she should draw her knife now * Thessalia recognizes the clerk Jill! It's me, Thessalia! Remember? Thessy? * Desksergeant looks at Thessalia Can't you help us? * Doc5 steps aside and allows Thessalia to approach the desk * Desksergeant looks around to see if anyone is watching * Desksergeant whispers Something's not right around here... but I really can't say more. * Thessalia walks towards her * DarkOne peeks into the Police station to see if everyone's all right What do you mean? I mean, it's not everyday where I get shot out by a gravpatrol! Patrols coming and going...strange orders that no one will admit to signing... But I thought that was normal. Have you noticed anything unusual in the way of...apparitions? Apparitions, sir? No, I don't think so. * Desksergeant sees the watch commander entering the room and pushes more forms across the desk Oh. Sorry. Well, thanks...err...Ms Cornell. * Thessalia goes back * Doc5 takes the forms and pretends to fill them out Hmm...surname...well, you couldn't pronounce it. I'll just put "Hertlemeyer". * Leela whispers, "Shall I kill the intruder, Doctor?" * Doc5 whispers back to Leela "No, Leela. Just watch him." * Leela whispers to the Doctor, "I have only two eyes. If I watch both of them, I will not know when someone else may arrive to ambush us." * Doc5 whispers back to Leela "Well...watch whomever you decide is more suspicious. Get K9 to watch too." * Desksergeant looks around and looks very scared Hmmmmmmmmmf...What sort of apparition? The Spirit of Orion. Any sort of apparition. Ghosts, dead relatives...constellations... And what shape would he take, if I may ask? * Doc5 frowns at the "birthdate" section What year is this? Year of the pig. 3571, sir. * Doc5 nods Thank you, ma'am. * Doc5 skips the birthdate section * DarkOne is outside, making sure no one ambushes the group * Master watches the scene from the scanner of his TARDIS, and laughs, seeing his ruse is working Ha, ha, ha...the Doctor is easier to manipulate now than ever... * Thessalia sneaks one of her noise exploder units in Jill's hands Well, sir, if you come back at the end of the shift, perhaps we can help you. * Doc5 looks around and sees that the sergeant's superior has left When is the end of your shift? Now! The commander, did you see him? He's been acting very strangely. Yes, I noticed...it looked to me as though someone had hypnotic control over him. Hypnotic control? Narf. * Leela is startled when some automatic lighting systems engage. It is night. When did everyone start acting strangely? Not long before you arrived...and another thing. There's a shop in town that keeps appearing and disappearing. Strange indeed . * Doc5's ears perk up A shop that keeps appearing and disappearing? Well, that's certainly something to look into. A shop in town? Not that odd Narooona or something shop with all the odd smelling clocks? That's the one...and very odd merchandise, as well. * Doc5 frowns at the loss of his celery Very good, Doctor, you begin to see through this ruse I have devised...but can you uncover what is REALLY going on here, in time to save your life? That shop's well weird. I was just there to apply for a job... no-one was there though...so I took off and ran into the Doctor and Leela and... Is the shop always in the same spot? Not always... It's not that it disappears...could it be that it just has changed its form. Let's say not IKEA but a Pottery Barn. Hmm. In that case, I think our next recourse is to investigate the source of the ectoplasmic radiation. Thank you very much for your help. We may be back. Good luck, I'll stay here and keep an eye on the commander. * Doc5 threads his way back through the crowd and out of the station Oh yeah. Psychotic droids blowing up and smelling up the place. I wonder why we couldn't just stay on Halva? So, what did you find out, Doctor? * Leela goes down the steps, forgetting about K9 It looks like someone is controlling most of the townspeople. That would explain why we were attacked. * K9 whines as he sees the steps again Really? Hmmmmm... * Doc5 turns around and hefts K9 down the steps * Doc5 turns to K9 K9, can you lead us to where you spotted the radiation? It has moved now, master. It is now in the center of town, near that odd shop. Well, K9, lead on! * K9 trundles down the street (very proud to be in the lead) * Doc5 follows K9, coattails flowing * Thessalia follows them * DarkOne is following the Doctor * Leela follows the Doctor, skins flowing and showing. Are they using the police to do it? But why should that woman of the police not be affected? Perhaps she has evaded them somehow. Maybe they didn't want to bother with desk clerks. It could be that whoever is behind this doesn't have the energy to control more than a certain number of people. * Thessalia feels nervous. Well, I don't seem like I'm about to go on a rampage...I hope...so maybe it hasn't affected everyone, eh? * DarkOne is in deep thought * Doc5 spots a garden and quickly rushes over to get a new stalk of *real* celery * Doc5 tips his hat to the woman in the window * K9 stops Here, master. I hope Jilly's alright. * Doc5 looks at the shop Well, in we go, eh? * K9 indicates a spot that seems to contain a coalescing energy form I don't get this...any of this...usually people around here just sit about leading boring lives... Is that the Spirit of Orion, Doctor? Whoa. That looks well weird. * K9 analyzes the energy form High level of ectoplasmic radiation, master. * Doc5 looks at the energy form Can I help you folks, eh? Just came in from Kensington market, y'know. Well, you're quite a way from home, aren't you? * Dr_Scratchansniff walks by carrying a Large Popcorn (without fries) which he just bought from Mitch What's Kensington market when it's at home, then? * Doc5 waxes nostalgic Kensington Market...lovely place... Yes! So you folks appreciate good back bacon, then! Good back bacon? * Doc5 quickly shakes his head to clear it and then strides into the shop Could I speak with the manager, please? That would be me, eh. * DarkOne follows Doc5 * Leela follows, but steps into the energy thingy Caution, mistress! Doctor! * Doc5 turns Leela! * Leela stabs at it * DarkOne looks around the shop * Doc5 pulls Leela out of the energy creature * Doc5 apologizes to the creature * Leela is missing a foot * Doc5 looks at Leela's foot * Leela screams The energy from the creature has just made your foot invisible, Leela. Hmm. * DarkOne reaches for his scanner. "Oh yeah, it's gone." Geeze! Hey, don't stab that glowy thing! It's the only one of it's kind! And he gets real testy, y'know. What is it, odd-smelling man? Could that explain the shop disappearing? * Doc5 frowns I'm not sure...that's a thought, though. And do you know you can get arrested for carrying bubble-gum-smelling clocks? * Doc5 peers more closely at the creature I've never encountered this race. His name is Mikos. * Doc5 returns his attention to the shopkeeper * DarkOne lookes at the creature carefully Mikos, eh? From where does he hail? Gordon's alive. I've heard of pure energy creatures, but never seen one before. He was always here. So what's it doing here? I don't know, eh...I'm just the keeper. Give me back my foot! It will return in time. The effect is temporary. * Doc5 fishes the sonic screwdriver from his pocket * Doc5 adjusts the screwdriver and points it at Leela's foot There, this should re-adjust the light waves. * Leela's invisible foot turns round and round and round... Gerden Binwat! Magic! * DarkOne looks around, "I thought I heard something!" * Doc5 holds up a hand for silence * Doc5 listens * Leela stands on her "new" foot tentatively. Y'shouldn't pick at Mikos that way. You might piss him off. * Doc5 looks at the DarkOne What did you hear? Do you hear that? AUGH! * Doc5 hurries over to the DarkOne What is it? * DarkOne collapses onto the ground, screaming "THE NOISE!" * Doc5 frowns He must be from an aurally sensitive race. What is wrong with him? Can't you hear it??? K9, can you hear anything? Yes, master. Frequency outside human range, master. * DarkOne puts his hands over his ears! Where is it coming from? The energy being outside the door, master. Is it trying to communicate? AAARGH! Or is it a weapon? * Doc5 looks at the shopkeeper What's it doing? Unknown, master. I will kill it now! * K9 moves out of Leela's range * Leela draws her knife again No! Knife would be ineffective, mistress. No, Leela, don't! * Doc5 slaps Leela's hand * Leela drops the knife, which falls into the energy being * Doc5 blanches Oh dear... * Doc5 profusely apologizes to Mikos * DarkOne stops screaming The noise...it suddenly stopped! * DarkOne shakes his head It was a noise that I've never experienced...it was all around me! * Doc5 looks back at the shopkeeper Tell me everything you know about Mikos. Mikos was left here by some woman with a salad shooter. She said he could help you. You don't know what Mikos is? If this...thing...is alive, why is it for sale? Well, we do need a new one. Can't keep an entity around for too long. If only I had my scanner! But I left it at the place we encountered that patrol... * Doc5 looks at DarkOne I suppose you could go and get it...but we may need you here. Mikos is pure light, y'know. Yes, I gathered that. The way it bent the light waves around Leela's foot... What about my knife? Too late for that, lady. The knife has become part of my being. It speaks! Never said he couldn't! Hey, Mikos, say Florida! Floooo-reeeee-daaaa. I'll buy you a new knife, Leela. * Doc5 turns to the shopkeeper Do you have any for sale? Got some *on* sale, too. Does anyone have any tools...energy tools? Yes, right by the Libby's peas. * Doc5 selects a bare, functional knife * Doc5 pays for the knife and gives it to Leela Here. I trust that you'll only use this in the direst of emergencies. * Leela cuts herself with it * Leela examines the blood on the blade It is a good knife. * Doc5 gives Leela a sticking plaster Mikos, Rula said you could help us. How so? Good boy, now help the nice folks, will ye? * DarkOne notices a crowd of people walking mindlessly outside What are they up to? Look at those people outside. I have a funny feeling. In your kidneys and your liver? * DarkOne goes outside Well, I'm off to get some tuck. Good luck with all the weird monsters... * Thessalia disappears * Doc5 is startled Hmm. I wonder if everyone on this planet can do that? Wait! * Thessalia pops back in... On second thought, I'll just stay here away from all the pesky zombies. Mikos knows how to help your friend that needs circuit repair on his cerebral palate...tell 'em, boy. Seems these folks need some minor circuit consultation. Actually, I think K9 is fine. But if you could tell me anything about the apparition we observed, I would be very grateful. * DarkOne tries to talk to the people, but gets no response * DarkOne shouts at the people, but still gets no response Well, I'll just go out there and see how DarkOne's doing... * Thessalia walks outside * Wanderer walks vaguely toward DarkOne. Where are you off to? Hey don't bother me, man...poppies...poppies...poppies... Answer me! Poppies? What is this, anyway? Night of the Living Dad? Hmmmm...what are poppies? Hey, I know him! That's snot-head Jules. Jules! Jules, I haven't seen you in a month! Hallo? Jules? * DarkOne suddenly screams! THE NOISE!!! * Thessalia turns to DarkOne DarkOne, what's happening? * Wanderer giggles oddly. What's so funny? * DarkOne looks at the people, who suddenly change their course. * Wanderer walks on... THAT NOISE! * DarkOne screams again! DarkOne, look at me! * Thessalia is thinking things are just a bit too...well...weird. * DarkOne looks up at Thessalia AAAIIIIIIEEEEE! Mikos, you know about that shop that keeps reappearing? I have observed this thing. Do you mean the shop, Mikos, or the apparition? I am the apparition. I have observed the shop. * Doc5 is surprised How did you enter the TARDIS? Astral projection. * Doc5 nods. I see. You must be very proficient. Well, can you explain why there's only 20 telmars in the register? So this thing is Orion? Yes, Leela, it would seem so. If that is what you wish to call me... THAT? a great hunter? Well, he only looks like Orion, Leela. If that's what Orion looks like, I can't believe he was ever a great hunter. What did the great Orion hunt, Doctor? He hunted animals in ancient Earth. And he looked like THAT? No, Leela - he looked like the image you saw in the TARDIS. To a certain degree, that is. Mikos, can you tell us what this noise is? Cosmic interference with my astral frequency. * Doc5 is alarmed Cosmic interference on that plane? This could be very serious. The presence of more than one time travel device sets up a harmonic resonance. Geeze! The sound stopped! Uh...really? It was some high-pitched sound. How high was it? It's very, very high-pitched, almost like a scream, but sounds more mechanical. * Doc5's brow deepens in concentration Weird. But then, most androids tend to be made to be sensitive to such noises. I'm not an android! HMM...could have fooled me... * DarkOne scowls at Thessalia I wonder why it goes on and off? Perhaps, Leela, the other time machine is sending out signals that are compounding the harmonic resonance. It comes in and out of phase, Doctor. * shopkeeper looks away to avoid suspicion * DarkOne walks back into the shop * shopkeeper slowly steps away from the counter So what's this thing, then? * Leela kicks some dirt into the energy. * DarkOne suddenly jumps up! I got it! That sound...it's the sound... * Thessalia turns into BrianBlessed WHAT SOUND? * BrianBlessed is the eye of orion the sound, umm...the sound... * BrianBlessed chuckles as softly as it can It's Orion! ...that controls those Verderals on my planet...we used a sound to control Verderals...but it wasn't heard by the Ropadian's ear. * DarkOne is a Ropadian Ah, well. * DarkOne is pacing back and forth, in deep thought Forty-two! * Doc5 turns to K9 K9, scan the region for artron energy. Affirmative, master. * K9 scans Artron energy present, master. Good dog, K9. Where is it? It comes from the shopkeeper, master. * Doc5 frowns The shopkeeper is a TARDIS? Affirmative, master. * Leela checks out the shopkeeper. Woo, nice bod. * shopkeeper falls to the floor, shaking and foaming What's happening, Doctor? * shopkeeper splits in two first at his head and then down the back AAAAAAAHHHHHH! * Doc5 simultaneously tries to pay attention to the shopkeeper, DarkOne, BrianBlessed, and K9 * BrianBlessed puts the shopkeeper out of its pain * Leela finally is impressed at the sight of Orion. The Doctor says you are a great hunter. But of course, and by your look I see that you are a hunter as well. This isn't Orion, Leela. It's an intangible extrusion of Mikos. * Leela nods, not understanding. "I see." But I am TIRED and WEARY. What do YOU want? * BrianBlessed thinks it's hard being a star in human form. * shopkeeper takes a new, but familiar, form So, you've found me. I've been found. Here I am. FOUND! * Doc5 knocks on the shopkeeper * BrianBlessed still think's he's a bit young * DarkOne exits the shop * DarkOne looks down the street * DarkOne looks up the street * She comes walkin' down the street, singin' doo wah ditty. * DarkOne pulls out a small object, and speaks into it WELL, I'LL BE OFF THEN. I'VE A LILT COMMERCIAL IN AN HOUR! Is that what you hunt? NICE WORKING WITH YOU! * shopkeeper turns into an Ionic column * Doc5 marches into the disguised TARDIS The Doctor was the Master all along!!! :) * Doc5 confronts the Master So...it was you. Yes, Doctor, you fell for my little plot (or lack thereof). * Leela plays fetch with K9 outside * Doc5 thinks * Leela runs out in the street, returning with a stick in her mouth, which she drops in front of K9 * Leela barks uh... So, how's the missus? * Leela pants * Doc5 trousers * DarkOne gazes up into the sky, then sits down and leans against the shop's wall * Leela rushes into the TARDIS to avoid the set crashing down when DarkOne leans against it * DarkOne looks around. "Huh?" People of the universe, obey me, or this strange plot shall go on forever! * Doc5 is not sure what to do now...there are too many plot points to tie up! * Leela eyes the Master Who is this one, Doctor? This, Leela, is the Master. Say hello. * DarkOne pulls out his blaster and starts tinkering with it So, how about ditching the dull guy and traveling with a REAL Time Lord, Leela? * Master winks at Leela Is that a janis thorn in your pocket, or you just happy to see me? Don't listen to the Master! Why are you controlling the people on this planet? * DarkOne points his blaster at the Master! All right, Master, I suggest you leave the people alone and stop controlling them! * Doc5 is still waiting for the Master to answer the question :> Make me! * Leela draws her new knife, still dripping with her own blood, and rushes up to the Master I'll make you! Leela, be careful with that knife. * DarkOne takes aim with his blaster * Master tries to hypnotise DarkOne Your hypnosis trick won't work on Ropadians! * Doc5 lifts an eyebrow Oh, you're Ropadian? That explains why you could hear the noise. Lovely race, that. Thanks, Doctor :) I'm controlling the people on this planet because I AM THE MASTER! Oh - I'm not surprised that that's all these people mean to you. Just another power, uh...what d'you call it...:> They are NOTHING! Power trip? That's not it...:> I'll blast you here and now, Master! He's mine! You two, stop fighting. I want to hear what he has to say first. Me? * Leela pushes the knife up to the Master's throat Then maybe I'll let you at him. * Doc5 is bluffing but hopes the Master doesn't realize that Arrrrrghhh! My WEEEBBBBBBB! That'll teach you to mell with HTML! * Spider_of_Death spins a new web around the Master A web? A web??? * Spider_of_Death says "Now you are under my control!" * DarkOne fires at the spider of death! * Spider_of_Death dies Don't think you can cow me with a puny spider of death, Doctor! [about this time, we start giving up on trying to make any sense out of this story...silliness follows!] * EarthwormJim watches as a cow falls on the Master. Ouch! * DarkOne laughs! [Spigi, who has been hanging around with the nick of BennySummerfield ever since BrianBlessed vanished, begins making contributions to the plot again] * BennySummerfield raises her glass of bitter Ah, so it was the Spider of Death that caused everyone to fall under your control! Fancy a glass? * Doc5 takes a glass from Benny Yeah. Love those spiders. * Doc5 throws the bitter into the Master's face Hey, that wasn't nice! That's expensive bitter you're throwing away. * Master licks his lips Ah well...you always HAD a drinking problem, I s'pose. All right, Leela, DarkOne. Have at him. * DarkOne pulls out a concussion grenade He'll just regenerate anyway. * Leela begins using her knife to rip off the Master's clothing. * DarkOne fires at the Master! He's mine, I tell you! Outta the way, Leela! * Master is getting to like the idea of being Leela's Now that the spider is dead, his hold over the people should be gone. Curses, foiled again! Foiled by a smart-aleck Doctor and his meddling kids! * BennySummerfield feels flattered to be called a "kid" Well, yeah....seeing that I've just shown up...but I always seem to show up at awkward moments. * Doc5 looks at Benny Did I send you here? I suppose you did...seems more like something my Doctor would do. I'm here to make witty comments. Hmm. I must say, Benny, I have bad taste...throwing you into this. Probably a little joke of mine. * POLICE rush in! * Doc5 finds a pustule on the ground and hurls it at the Master Great! And I was just about to settle down with an excellent read and a bottle of brandy, too. OK, no-one move! * Doc5 freezes Drop the knife! You, the dark guy, drop the blaster! * Leela doesn't drop the knife EAT IT, COPS! * DarkOne jumps behind a table and fires his weapon! Table? What happened to Mikos, anyway? He's outside, Doctor. I do hope he'll be all right. * Doc5 decides to go entirely out of character * Doc5 pulls out some nitro and chucks it at the cops Ace! Brill! Mega! Wicked! It's MEGA, Aunt Slappy! * BennySummerfield puts on a silly bracelet * POLICE jumps for cover! * Doc5 dyes his hair red * Doc5 screams really, really loud Uh...I feel really silly for saying this, but...bring me up. * BennySummerfield disappears a la Blake's 7 * POLICE gets hit by DarkOne's blaster fire! * POLICE dies Geeze! * police2 pulls out a walkie-talkie * police2 yells into the walkie-talkie "I need back-up!" * StBernard enters with the traditional cask around his traditional neck * Doc5 pins on a gold star brooch * Doc5 starts spitting mathematical equations at the police OH NO, the Doctor is regenerating as ADRIC! * Doc5 puts on a lot of chunky rings * Doc5 walks toward the police and trips over a rug * Doc5 giggles kookily * DonOctave notices the brandy cask has already been relieved of its contents NOW WHO COULD HAVE EMPTIED IT?? Benny must have drunk it...except the St Bernard wasn't there. But then, Benny's a clever girl, isn't she? * IlToreador enters, stoned on brandy * IlToreador shoots Don Octave, the Dog, and assorted other cast members, as two women kill each other, then he falls over and expires * police2 fires a warning shot at Leela! "Drop the knife!" * Doc5 puts a camera around his neck * Doc5 walks up to the Master You male chauvinist pig! * Doc5 slaps the Master Ouch, you wound me! * Master plants a big wet one on Doc5 Come on, Dark One! * Doc5 puts on an Adjudicator's uniform * Doc5 fires at the police but misses * Leela throws the knife at the policeman * police2 gets hit by the knife! * police2 falls backwards and crashes onto the ground * DarkSoldier and DarkOne run out the back! * Doc5 returns to normal * Doc5 grabs Leela Quickly, the planet is about to blow up! * Doc5 picks up K9 and races out the door Ooh, Doctor! Grab me again! * BennySummerfield appears a la Blake's 7 * Master retreats into his TARDIS Okay I'm back...you can all cheer. * Doc5 cheers as he runs out the door * Leela chases after the Doctor, picking up the `celery' he bought before, and waving it in the air Quick, come into my ship! * Doc5 races for the TARDIS * DarkOne and the DarkSoldier run into DarkOne's ship * K9 thinks we should have had a plot * FordPrefect throws money around after stealing some peanuts * FordPrefect takes out an electronic thumb You guys coming? * Dana_Scully surveys the scene I know there's a rational explanation for this. * BennySummerfield looks about for a decent drink * BennySummerfield grins at Dana * Dana_Scully does an autopsy on the nearest policeman * Dana_Scully takes out her cellular phone "Mulder?" Isn't the planet going to explode in a few minutes? Is it? Oh, cripes. OH, crepes, too. * Doc5 scurries into the TARDIS * Leela follows the Doctor in and menaces him with the `celery' * BennySummerfield wonders where the 7th Doctor got to * DarkOne is getting ready to close the ship's hatch * Doc5 yells to Benny to come along Well, I'm actually waiting for my Doctor to pop 'round... If you insist! * Doc5 wonders where K9 is? * BennySummerfield grumbles Till we meet again, Doctor! * Doc5 waves goodbye to DarkOne * DarkOne waves goodbye to the Doctor * Doc5 picks up K9 and goes into the TARDIS * BennySummerfield spies the TARDIS * DarkOne closes the hatch to his ship * BennySummerfield sees the Doctor Took you long enough! * BennySummerfield runs to the TARDIS * Doc5 waves to himself Oh, whine whine whine... Whine? This planet is about to look like the remains of my TV dinner! * DarkOne blasts off, and fies into the air! * Doc5 looks at Leela * Doc7 looks at Leela too * Doc7 drools Actually, I lied about the planet blowing up. I just wanted to get out of here. OH. Clever, master. Hmm? Oh, is it? Is it? Well, never mind, then. Anyone fancy a drink? Well, we must be off at once. * DarkOne's ship leaves the planet You sound very first-Doctor-like. * BennySummerfield walks into the TARDIS * Doc5 drags Leela into his TARDIS * BennySummerfield says "I met an odd sort of criminals too..." Into the TARDIS. * Doc5 sings "Into the TARDIS to rescue the princess!" * BennySummerfield grins and whistles along * Doc7 tips his hat to the Grav-Patrol Oh, wait, that wasn't my Doctor. * BennySummerfield starts whistling independently, then * K9 needs to go walkies SHOOT THEM! Lovely visting your soon-to-be-non-planet. * Doc5 takes K9 for a quick walk around the TARDIS I hope I shall return again at an earlier time. Who's soon to be planet? *ahem* Shall we be off then? Yes, yes, into the TARDIS. * Doc5 drags K9 back into the TARDIS and closes the doors * Doc7 is shot in the back by the Grav-Patrol * BennySummerfield playfully knocks the Doctor's hat off * Doc7 slumps inside the TARDIS This IS a game of WAR, isn't it? * BennySummerfield wishes the grav-patrol hadn't done that * SuperBeing leaves the body of Doctor7... * Doc5 dematerializes in the TARDIS * SuperBeing had been there for quite some time * K9 begins self-destruct sequence Hello. No, I'm not John Lennon. I'm the Doctor. uh... so you're that Paul McGann then? But he's so YOUNG! * Dana_Scully wanders out through the eighth Doctor's TARDIS' interior door I can explain this. * Doc8 activates the dematerilisation sequence * Dana_Scully exits * BennySummerfield is exhausted from psychotic role playing Oh. Hello, Miss Scully. * Grav_patrol dances to YMCA It's OK. You'll see your friends again. We're going to Fox. * Melanie bounces into the console room You're going to Fox. I'm just a character in print, aren't I? Yes, of course, Miss Summerfield. * Mel smiles excitedly I like Fox. The closest I get is if you do a Land of Fiction story. We're going to Fox? Where is he? What did you do to Mulder? Ah. Well, I like Paul Cornell better than Mathew Jacobs. * Mel smiles at Scully and Benny I didn't mould her at all. She moulded on her own. EVERYONE STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok...now, let's not act like do-do brains! Hey, look at 'im, then! heh Let's get real here! Miserable little turnip! * Mel smiles cheerfully This is a DrWho RPG, is it not? Hey, yeah, we'll like get real >here<. Heyyyy... Aw. I like Zaphod... I sense hostility. * Deanna_Troi looks at DarkOne Would you like to talk about it? * DarkOne yells! There's no need to get over-excited. * Doc8 gets over-excited. He is less neutered than his predecessors, you know. Hey, Deanna, fancy a drunken snog we'll both want to forget the morning after? * DarkOne beats up Deanna_Troi! * Deanna_Troi dies * DarkOne laughs! * Deanna_Troi was never very strong physically Aw. All the people I like die. I'm beginning to feel like Ace. * Julian_Bashir tries to fix up Troi but can't * DarkOne blasts Julian_Bashir! * Julian_Bashir ducks behind the TARDIS console * Julian_Bashir smiles at Benny Are we going to do DrWho RPG or not? * BennySummerfield rolls her eyes FanBoy! * FanBoy grabs Paul McGann DOCTOR WHO! I'M WALKING WITH DOCTOR WHO!!! * Julian_Bashir rushes up to Mr McGann Do you need medical assistance? * Doc8 runs and screams! * Julian_Bashir yells "I can get you a tranquillizer!" * GeorgeTakei is bumped into by Doc8 Oh no! Not that kid again! * GeorgeTakei runs with Doc8 * Terry_Farrell bumps into George Takei Whoops, sorry. Heeeyyy owwww... * DannyJohnJules chases after Terry Farrell I'm gonna get you little kitty!!! * BennySummerfield grins * Mel smiles cheerfully and bounces over to talk to DarkOne Meooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! This string is MINE! This box is MINE! This air is MINE!!! * Mel starts to do a song and dance number AIE! Peter Pan! Oh dear... * Mel says "Everyone, clap your hands!" * Mel sings "I can fly!" * Keeper claps his hands...over his ears. * BennySummerfield slaps Mel's face How's that? Oh! Clap your HANDS! * Mel flies across the room, propelled by the force of Benny's slap Wow...I really *can* fly! Sorry. Got confused. * DarkOne gives up all hope! * Mel bounces back over to DarkOne * Mel looks at DarkOne's uniform Like it? Oooh, did you buy that in Leeds? No! * Mel smiles sunnily * Mel offers to sing for DarkOne No, thanks. * Mel shrugs and bounces off * Peri whines about the confusing storyline "But Doctor, I didn't understand it! Glahss!" * Peri says "But this planet doesn't look like it was hit by a *firebahll*" * DarkOne waves farewell to all the once sane, but now insane people * Tegan yells at everyone * DarkOne taps Peri on the head..."You still alive?" * Tegan says "Rabbits, rabbits, rabbits!" * Peri jerks awake Wha-? * Spigi thinks Tegan needed that screwdriver in _Black Orchid_ D-d-doctor? HOLY! HOLY COW! only in India :> * Barbara fixes the bouffant on her head GEEZE!!!!! * Keeper drops a cow on DarkOne * Barbara hits Keeper with her bouffant * Vicki says proudly "*My* outfit repels dirt." Well...my outfit...well, I look good, at least. * Victoria screams and screams and screams So, whatever happened with Leela, the dildo and the fifth Doctor? Will we ever know...do we WANT to know...? * ChrisCwej blushes * RozForrester fires at Benny and misses ::the end - phew::